BESTIES Lohan, Aufdenkamp

Meet Patrick Aufdenkamp, “mysterious friend,” “hanger on,” and the reason Lindsay Lohan is headed for a fall from the wagon, if you’ve bought into the latest celebrity blog narrative. He’ll probably be on Perez any day now with poorly P-shopped white dots coming from his nose.

Except, says Aufdenkamp, 22, he’s as stumped as anyone as to why he’s getting the Sam Lutfi treatment. It could have something to do with hater’s paradise TMZ, which wagged its fat finger in his face Tuesday morning and asked is “LiLo Pal Pushing Her Off the Wagon?” A Lohan “family source” was quoted as saying, “He has nothing to offer her, and he looks at Lindsay as his meal ticket.”