Last night’s third installment in Bret Michaels‘ mansion of rock and love was marked with a cornucopia of sluttiness, superfluous crying, and all-around pointlessness. Bret, clearly the fatherly type, wanted to ensure that his chosen love have the proper “mother bear instinct.” So, naturally, he hosted a “Stroller Derby” in which the girls were divided into three teams, dressed up in bootie shorts and roller skates, and instructed to protect strollers filled with bandanna-clad “little baby Bret” dolls. Last season’s Lacey then arrived with the L.A. Derby Dolls, a pack of large, surly looking women hell-bent on doing what everyone else in the nation merely wants to do: knock the living shit out of both the contestants and Bret Michaels’ offspring.
Suddenly, big-haired girls were flying everywhere. People were injured. Lacey actually punched a baby. “It just made me want to breed,” Michaels claimed as someone drop-kicked his baby across the roller rink. Inna, Aubry, and Angelique earned a group date with Michaels, while Kristy Joe, the MVP, was awarded a coveted solo date. And then, thankfully, Lacey went away.