WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S Regan (Photo: Getty Images)

• Battle royale: Former book publisher Judith Regan‘s lawsuit against HarperCollins, its publisher, Jane Friedman, and NewsCorp, is off to the races. In the 70-page suit, Regan says she refused to lie to federal investigators about her affair with Bernard Kerik as requested by NewsCorps execs—a request, she says, that was meant to protect Rudy Giuliani‘s presidential bid.

• Bitched out: A John McCain supporter asks the senator/presidential candidate, “How do we beat the bitch?”—referring, of course, to the Dems’ frontrunner—to which McCain replies, “That’s an excellent question.”

• Liz lover: Actor/playboy Hugh Grant flips an Andy Warhol portrait of Elizabeth Taylor for a $17 million profit. Likely spends the cash entertaining college birds.

• Devastating wit: A female stagehand sues producers of the mockumentary Pittsburgh for featuring her in a scene in which Jeff Goldblum uses sexual double entendre to “humiliate” her.

• Delayed compensation: The Iowa waitress in the middle of the Hillary Clinton tip scandal speaks: she never saw a tip, but apparently the campaign returned and dropped $20 on the table after the story broke nationally.

• Dept. of Rationalizations: Trash mag legend Bonnie Fuller, blogging at The Huffington Post (um, wtf?), says Britney Spears’ bad parenting lets other mothers feel good about themselves. Also? It sells magazines.