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Bush Won’t Lose Sleep Over Iowa Count

NO, MOVE, SLEEPY! Bush(Photo: Getty Images)

Sweet dreams: President Bush plans to pass out before the Iowa results are tabulated, no doubt the dreamy effect of warmed milk, Barney cuddles, and Bonanza reruns.

Uh oh, Lo: Would-be teetotalling darling Lindsay Lohan is spotted sucking on a big ‘ol bottle of champers over New Year’s. Like, on video and everything. Not to worry, though: Spokespeople say she jumped off her third dude-lap and made a quick call to her sponsor.

Maternity homecoming: Neocon tartlet Elisabeth Hasselbeck will return to The View Monday, having survived the first couple months with her new baby boy.

Final countdown: The last Reuters/C-SPAN/Zogby tracking poll before tonight’s caucuses predicts Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee to be winners. Now we sit back and let Iowa’s esoteric system of candidate alignment, arithmetic, and re-arrangement run its course.

Hair dude: In response to Mike Huckabee campaign manager Ed Rollins‘s caucus-eve wish to knock Mitt Romney‘s teeth out, the stormin’ Mormon demands just one thing: “Don’t touch the hair.”