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Home Run-ist Bonds Indicted for Perjury

(Photo: Getty Images)

No field day: Baseball’s all-time leading home-run hitter Barry Bonds has been indicted on federal charges of perjury and obstruction of justice. The possible-hall of famer claims no knowledge of taking performance enhancing drugs en route to his record-breaking numbers, contends that grown men often put on 150 pounds of muscle mass after a couple hours of batting practice.

They pissed her off: Hillary Clinton accuses her “boy” rivals of slinging mud “right out of the Republican playbook,” and the dudes fall to the sidelines. When Wolf Blitzer directs a question at Joe Biden, the senator kids, “Oh, no, don’t make me speak.”

Recidivism’s finest: Lindsay Lohan spends 84 minutes in the slammer for her DUI in July. L.A. Sheriff Lee Baca likely worries that any additional time will exacerbate her retail therapy addiction.

Oi! Oi! Oi!: The UK’s forward thinking advertising agencies have come up with another doozy to inspire tourism: a skinhead, with a giant red cross painted across his bare back, pisses into a tea cup. A spokeswoman claims, we suppose seriously, “It’s fun, it’s supposed to show how cosmopolitan London is. Yes, I really think it says London is cosmopolitan.”

Lou-natics unite!: For the first time, CNN anchor Lou Dobbs is seriously contemplating making a run for the White House, friends say. But only if NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg sneaks into the race as an Independent.