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Hillary In Bosnia: Lost Footage Settles the Danger Debate

Tales of the tape: Above, archival footage from Hillary Clinton‘s trip to Bosnia as First Lady. Completely unaltered.

Democracy at work : Officials of a cattle farming town in Australia who elected to break their mayoral race tie by drawing candidates’ names out of a trash can worry that lucky winner Ed Warren may be tagged with a “raffle stigma.” Still better than the “whore stigma” politicians face stateside.

Mick Fagger : Keith Richards fails to defend famously effeminate bandmate’s heterosexuality and tries to stay culturally relevant by referring to female conquests as “bitches.”

Related: After 44 years in exile from the English seaside town of Blackpool, local city council has lifted a Rolling Stones ban instituted after they literally tore down the house at a 1964 concert. Today, their more likely to tear ligaments.

Bible latest victim of contemporary suck-fest : One of those progressive-thinking Reverend types has written a literary translation of well-known Bible stories updated to better reflect our celebrity-obsessed, vapid, self-interested, modern times. Goliath appears as a cog in the celebrity-industrial complex, while Eve is a crazy nympho. (Not a rapper? Missed opportunity.)

Ho decoder: Here’s a list of terms used in the world of professional escorts; “I found it comprehensive and up-to-date,” says one E. Spitzer of New York

OMG! Yr crzy! : A recent article in the American Journal of Psychiatry postulates that incessant text messagers may have a mental disorder. Lol.

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