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• Jesus Christ!: Mom-of-the-year Britney Spears and her father are flying to Costa Rica to spend a nice, quiet weekend with Jew-hating drunk Mel Gibson. Was Tom Cruise unavailable?
• GOPstopper: Finally, a six-step guide to saving the Republican party, including simple directions like “Cut the crap” and “Get a clue.” You tell ‘em, Politico!
• Junk art: With 260 penises from 90 different animal species mounted on walls and floating in jars of formaldehyde, Icelandic collector Sigurdur Hjartarson‘s penis museum is almost complete. Damien Hirst kicks himself.
• Special Olympian?: After appealing his ban from the Olympic games because of “unfair advantage,” South African bionic-sprinting star Oscar Pistorius (aka “Bladerunner,” because he has springy carbon paddles instead of feet) will find out tomorrow if he’s going to be allowed to kick some abled ass this summer.
• Blowing it at work: A British woman banks $10,000 in a settlement after her boss farted on her.