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• Fertile ground: The Charlie Sheen–Denise Richards divorce continues to get uglier as Sheen responds to his ex-wife’s denial on Larry King that she’d asked him for a sperm donation after they broke up. Sheen has forwarded an e-mail to the media that he claims Richards wrote to his new fiancée about snatching some of his man seed.
• Graduation terror: Vice President Dick Cheney left his lair and donned an unflattering cowboy hat to give the commencement address at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy, telling grads, “The war on terror is a lengthy enterprise, but it does not have to go on forever.” But of course it could if it’s profitable and/or politically advantageous.
SURE, THERE’S MORE: Pissy princes; another reason to stay home; and a drug so you can trust!