YOU SUCK! NO, YOU SUCK! Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst

With all of the money and hype surrounding Spider-Man 3, there must be a gem of a movie lurking at the bottom of Sony’s tangled web. Not according to critics, whose vitriol has spiked to levels unseen since Ishtar. Below, the blurbs you’ll never see on the SM3 DVD …

• The New York Observer: “Bloated and stupid, this movie is so bad you can’t even review it. Over-
produced, over-publicized, over-designed, over-
computerized and just plain over the moon, it’s so preposterously overwrought with so many bewildering plots juggling simultaneously for over-emphasis, there’s no entry point for criticism. You just stare at it, as you might a great big exploding pile of cow manure.”