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Coke, Blowjobs, And Free Hotels: The World’s Most Awesome Government Agency

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YEAH, MANAGE THOSE MINERALS MMS Execs (Mostly Innocent!)

You know that annoying guy in the office? The one who keeps calling you, asking for cocaine, even though you’d already given him some that very day? And he keeps calling until you finally give up and tell him to come over, and your roommate has some crystal meth, so you just give him that and he does some lines off the toaster, and he won’t shut up, so you finally give him a blowjob? And then, on the way between two meetings at work, he’s always stuffing some chick’s face into his lap, even though he’s her boss? And then when people start asking questions, he tells everyone that that chick was trying to “entrap” him sexually, even though he was the one calling her all the time? (God, we hate that guy in our office!) Welcome to the U.S. Government’s Mineral Management Service, one of the nation’s biggest income-producing agencies—and its hero, Greg Smith.

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