Auction season begins again! Sure, Wall Street bonuses will be lower this year. (“Lower” to “really low.”) But this is also a great time to have your money invested in something that isn’t the ridiculous stock market, where if you’re not losing money, you’re losing money on trades to not lose money. So if you don’t have the money to plunk down for property, your second-best bet is a nice investment object. Because really—I walk around New York at night and stare into those expensive apartments uptown and all I can see are blank white walls, you losers. So up at Christie’s in Rockefeller Center, the Interiors auctions (that’s stuff from pens to dishes to furniture) begins today and continues through Friday. The “First Open” auction, which is post-war and contemporary art, is next Tuesday, September 9. And what I noticed at the preview today is that there’s some really great manly stuff. It’s not a fluffy, girly season—these are totally auctions for banker boys and bachelors (and not even the “confirmed” sort of bachelor necessarily). So here’s a buyer’s guide just for you—one that’s not afraid to be crass and say what’s a good buy and what’s really not.