Secrets Of Sex and the City: The Movie Revealed

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As the release of Sex and the City: The Movie draws ever closer, millions of vapid young women around the country are making plans to hit the multiplex with their equally shallow friends so that they can finally resolve all the questions that have been haunting them since the end of the series: Will Carrie and Big get married? Can Charlotte find true love after all? Why is Charlotte such a slut? Note: I have never seen a full episode of Sex and the City and I'm too lazy to Google, so I'm going to assume that all of the characters who aren't Sarah Jessica Parker (gratuitous clip above) are named Charlotte. And what about Charlotte and her baby, little Charlotte? How are things going with them? If you just can't wait, Women's Wear Daily published an essay today which reveals the answer to the biggest question: