POP POTPOURRI In Touch cover

Americans want choices, and this week’s tabloid covers happily oblige. Star and OK! represent the old guard with Brangie secrets, “Blow up Over Wedding” and “Secret Baby Vows” respectively. Life & Style spends some time at home with TomKat, Us is the voice of a new generation with something about that Hills star with the fake tits. While In Touch goes with the classic Britney Spears crazy—was she raped? Does anyone in the Western World care anymore (unless of course it’s true)?

Or maybe it’s not that Americans want choices. Maybe it’s that they don’t know what they want. Take for example Kate Hudson, who ekes out teasers on four out of five covers. She wore a red bikini in Miami, while her ex-boyfriend/sad clown Owen Wilson went running on the beach in the very same city—what does it all mean?