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Dual Rocker Spawn Drop E!

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ROCK ROYAL-TEASE Kelly

No simple life: Ozzy‘s kid Kelly Osbourne and Rod Stewart tot Kimberly cancel plans to star in their own reality show, calling it “demeaning” and “juvenile.”

Bailing Bonds?: Barry Bonds beats the home run record in San Francisco, a moment primed for a trip to the White House. But are ‘roid allegations a turn-off to Bush?

Same ol’ wino: Amy Winehouse claims to be a perfectionist, which is the reason she cancels her shows at the last minute. Not, like, her alcoholism or anything.

Monsieur Incroyable: Police arrest a 16-year-old schoolboy in Aix-en-Provence for translating Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows before the French version’s October release date. When asked to comment, French police sniffed, “We do not speak ze English.”

Still, not “Apple”: Idiot parents name their kid “Superman” after they’re told they can’t legally name him “4Real.”

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