Barack Scores a Wet-Willy on Hillary

NEW KID ON THE BLOCK Barack(Photo: Getty Images)

Playground taunts: Issuing a jovial jab at Hillary Clinton and her crack team that tried to use his childhood ambitions against him, Barack Obama basks in his victory: “This feels good. It’s just like I imagined it when I was talking to my kindergarten teacher.”

In bed with the enemy: Blowhard Glenn Beck grabs a camcorder and brings us all into the terrible hell that is his unshaven, unclean body reclining in bed—oh, and his botched surgery and the medical crusade it’s sent him on.

Divorce Watch: Though Bill Clinton‘s ruddy visage was prominently featured over his wife’s shoulder during her post-caucus comments, Hillary mentioned her hubby’s name nary a once.

Saving on dry-cleaning bills: Following its tried and true reality TV model, ABC eliminates Duncan Hunter, Dennis Kucinich, and Mike Gravel from its prime-time presidential debates Saturday night.

Not biting: Cross-dressing pugilist Oscar De la Hoya is reportedly not interested in meeting his stripper accuser in court to do battle over the $100 million she’s seeking as damages for destroying her good and kinky rep. Weird!

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