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Barack’s Considerable Bulge


Cozy coffers: Senator Barack Obama‘s presidential campaign raised $36 million in January, with 90 percent of donations coming from people who gave $100 or less.

19th time’s the charm: An Ohio man is sentenced to eight years in prison following his 19th DUI arrest. He fell just short of the state record of 20.

Toys for tots: An “insider” reports that everyone’s favorite possibly bi-polar pop star Britney Spears is not putting away her sons’ toys in the hopes they return home soon.

Lunchtime liquor ban: Liquor makers in China are fighting back against a ban that would no longer allow Communist party officials and civil servants to drink at lunchtime. We call foul. How can anyone make it through the day without taking a few nips at lunch?

Back to Earth: The space shuttle Atlantis landed safely at Kennedy Space Center Wednesday, mostly so it could get the hell out of the way before the Navy tries to shoot down a dying spy satellite tonight.

Sex ed.: Another Wednesday, another teacher accused of having sex with her students.

Blindside item: A disturbing surveillance tape shows a man getting brutally punched in the head and neck at a Manhattan deli, apparently after an argument over sharing aisle space.