AIR RAID! Bjorn Toroque(Photo: Getty Images)

The men in the dressing room at the U.S. Air Guitar Championships at the Fillmore at Irving Plaza in Manhattan last week were flossing more Speedos and Spandex than Tommy Lee, circa Dr. Feelgood. An evening of wannabe rock stars and the “air mattresses” who love them, the night was emceed by star of “Air Guitar Nation” Dan “Bjorn Turoque” Crane, whose stated mission was to “bring back the essence of awesomeness.” He admitted channeling Nietzsche during his own air-noodling: “He’s a nihilist and air guitar is all about nothing,” philosophized the Ambassador of Air. He offered this advice to the 14 national contestants competing (even the two ax-wielding airesses in attendence: “Take your balls and place them as firmly onto the wall as you can.”

A commanding stench permeated the air.

[Full gallery of the backstage scene after the jump!]