Adrian Grenier Pickup Lines: A Play in One Act


[Scene: A crowded loft on Manhattan’s Lower East Side. It is approximately 2:00 a.m.; the party is now winding down, though the bar is still open and people are still drunkenly—badly—dancing. In walks Entourage star Adrian Grenier, the only famous face in an otherwise nondescript crowd of 20-somethings. Surveying the scene, his eye fixes upon a pretty brunette standing near a couch, on which a Radar reporter happens to be sitting. They make eye-contact and she smiles. He approaches. They are both wearing jeans, though it is unclear whose are skinnier. Her hair is slightly longer; his hair is noticeably greasier.]

Adrian: Hi, what’s your name?
Brunette: [Giggling. It is obvious she knows who he is; she is flattered that he has approached her] Elizabeth*. What’s yours?
Adrian: Adrian.
Brunette: Nice to meet you! And what do you do, Adrian?
Adrian: I make documentary films.
Brunette: Oh really?
Adrian: Yeah. And some other stuff on the side. What about you?
Brunette: I’m in fashion.
Adrian: That’s cool. So how about we go home and I fuck the shit out of you?

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