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'God, Please Just Take Me': Yolanda Reveals Suicidal Thoughts In New Tell-All

Sep. 11 2017, Published 9:51 a.m. ET

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Yolanda Hadid’s battle with Lyme disease led her to contemplate her life multiple times, and RadarOnline.com has all the details on her darkest thoughts.

Hadid, 53, struggled in pain throughout treatments to fight the illness. Her sickness eventually led to her to live in a “cocoon” as she couldn’t handle social situations, and she was desperate to get better.

Her sickness eventually led to her to live in a “cocoon” as she couldn’t handle social situations, and she was desperate to get better, it's revealed.

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In the book, Yolanda detailed dark thoughts that came to her at Christmas 2014 while she was receiving treatment in Florida. Then-husband David Foster was with her, and the couple took a walk to the beach.

“As I reach the shoreline, I take off my clothes and slip into the dark blue ocean, which is cool and comforting,” she wrote. “The waves gently wash over my naked body, and I can feel the current tugging at me. Tears pour out of my eyes, roll across my cheeks, and meld with the salt water as I try to still my mind to become one with the water’s ebb and flow.”

“The waves gently wash over my naked body, and I can feel the current tugging at me. Tears pour out of my eyes, roll across my cheeks, and meld with the salt water as I try to still my mind to become one with the water’s ebb and flow.”

“God, please just take me in a wave,” she continued. “I can’t live like this for one more day. Please carry my body away. I just want to disappear.”

She recalled snapping out of the near-death moment when she pictured her three children, Gigi, Bella and Anwar.

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But it wasn't over. Again, she had a sickening thought a year later.

“One morning, I wake up with my head pounding intensely and the bones in my lower body on fire,” she wrote. “I’m going to throw up. I move as quickly as I can to the bathroom, which isn’t quickly at all. After barely making it to the toilet, I lie down on the cold bathroom floor.”

“I feel like I want to die,” she continued. “I can’t possibly go through another day. God, please take me. Please!”

Foster’s kids later slammed Hadid’s health issues during his divorce proceedings, with Sara telling Jenny McCarthy that: “Only she knows her journey, but I will say is if you’re capable of continuing to be on a reality show, you’re not dying.”

“Again, we are not doctors,” Erin added. “We have no idea what goes on, and we don’t wish anyone ill will of any kind. However, I think that from everyone’s experience, if anyone’s ever known someone who is very sick, who has cancer, who is dying, who’s in the last year of their life, the only thing that person gives a sh*t about is getting through the day and being treated normally.”

“No one wants everyone to know how sick they are and everyone to see how much they’re struggling, and when that seems to be the focus, making everyone see how sick you are, that’s just confusing to someone who’s trying to be supportive,” she stated.

Radar reported that their divorce was finalized in May 2017, and Hadid continues to battle Lyme disease.

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