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Post-Split Hell: Holly Madison Fears She'll Never Love Again

Holly Madison is having a tough time moving on after her shocking split husband Pasquale Rotella and has learned exclusively the former reality star is afraid she'll never find a man who will love her the way she wants.

"All that men seem to want is a trophy," an insider told "Now Holly's single again with two young kids and dreading the dating scene."

The 38-year-old former Playboy bunny hopped away from her hubby Rotella, 44, last month. The two were married for five years, and are parents to daughter Rainbow, 5, and son Forest, 2. Friends told there was not one big dramatic reason for the split, rather the stars simply grew apart over time.

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But as she prepares to re-enter the dating pool, Madison is worried her past baggage will cause her to sink.

"She's blaming this on the Playboy curse. Her years of living in the Playboy Mansion as Hef's No. 1 girlfriend keep coming back to haunt her," The insider added. readers know that Madison was one of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner's original Girls Next Door, but in her shocking tell-all memoir, The Vegas Diaries, she famously bashed Hef,  claiming the ladies' man was always rooting for her to fail, and that he didn't realize that living in the mansion wasn't at all what she wanted for herself.

Pasquale Rotella

She added that working with him after their breakup was "beyond awkward" and that she was glad she didn't end up marrying him. But now, she's surprised to be on her own again.

"Holly thought Pasquale was the one," the insider added. "She's miserable that he doesn't want to be married to her anymore."

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