Sex, Drugs & Vaseline! The 16 Darkest Secrets Of The Playboy Mansion

Despite its glamorous façade, the Playboy mansion isn’t all blond hair and bunny ears. Hugh Hefner’s ex-girlfriend Holly Madison, now a 35-year-old mom, spills all the aging media mogul’s secrets in her new book, Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures & Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny. Hefner has called Madison’s tales a choice to “rewrite history.”

Watch: Holly Madison Signed An NDA To Keep Quiet About Hef & Playboy Secrets

With the designer clothes and A-list parties came sex with a septuagenarian. The first time Madison was invited into his bedroom, the group stood around a masturbating Hefner smoking a point “in various stages of undress.” Each girl had a quick turn with him. “It was so brief that I can’t even recall that it felt like beyond having a heavy body on top of mine,” she writes.

Yuck! In her early days at the mansion, Madison shared a bathroom with a Playmate named Vicky who had a “disturbing” laxative habit.

Hefner, now 89, was so controlling of his “girlfriends,” he chose the color of their rugs and had to approve the wall colors.

Finally, the perks: Each girlfriend was given an allowance of $1,000 for clothes, Madison claims.

Some of the gals had much, much younger boyfriend on the side. A brief girlfriend named Lisa was secretly dating Kid Rock while living in the mansion!

The controlling “Hef” forbid Madison from posing in Hooters magazine, despite his refusal to feature her in Playboy.

Another celebrity side piece! Before her time at the mansion, Madison heard that one girlfriend entertained Jennifer Lopez’s ex-husband Cris Judd in her bedroom.

Though she attended college, Madison says Hefner spoke to her like a “grade school student.” “It didn’t matter if my remark was educated or even correct, if I said it, it must be wrong,” she says.

Some of the girlfriends smoked more than weed. One night after a party, a girlfriend confided in Madison that a group smoked meth in her bedroom.

Vicky once asked if she “would be interested in” working for an escort agency. “Everybody does it,” Madison says the girlfriend told her.

Before mandatory club nights, Hef passed out Quaaludes to the girlfriends, Madison claims. Though she admits to getting drunk, she says she never took drugs.

Paris Hilton, a longtime friend of the magazine, wanted to be a centerfold, but her wealthy family wouldn’t let her! “Her mother said she would disinherit her,” Madison claims Hefner told her.

Hefner once berated Madison for speaking up around a reporter, she says. “YOU have NO answers! You are to keep quiet during interviews!” she says he screamed.

Despite his age, sex was always on Hefner’s mind. “One of the most memorable mansion “touches” was the tray of Johnson’s Baby Oil, Vaseline, and Keenex that was in every bathroom, in the grotto, and at the tennis courts and the pool bar,” Madison reveals. “I still don’t know whether to be disgusted or amused by those trays."