Kailyn Lowry suffered serious anxiety during her pregnancy with her second son Lincoln. In her new book Letters of Love, which is available for pre-order, she opened up about how she considered giving up her son with then-husband Javi Marroquin.
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While pregnant with Lincoln, now 4, Lowry explained how she struggled with the thought of having another child. She was already mom to son Isaac, now 8, with ex-boyfriend Jo Rivera. “I never thought that I could love another person as much as I loved Isaac,” she wrote. “I didn’t believe that I had the capacity to love the same way. I was so afraid that I couldn’t be the mother to Linc that I was to Isaac.”
She explained how her anxiety intensified towards the end of her pregnancy. “I cried all the time,” she said. “I was so anxious, and I would get upset about everything. I worried all the time.”
She continued that her anxiety stemmed from wondering if she would have enough love to share with Lincoln. “How can I love another child the way that I love Isaac?” she asked. “He was my whole world. I even told Javi that maybe he should just take the new baby, and I would go off with Isaac. I could not believe that these were the thoughts that I was having, but they were real.”
But everything changed when Lowry, 26, saw her son. “After giving birth to Lincoln, I cried so hard,” she penned. “When I saw him, it was instant love! I had no idea that I would be able to love him like I loved Isaac. I had no idea that my love for both of them would multiply. In that moment, I knew that I could do it. I knew that I could be a mom of two boys… I quickly learned that love multiplies, it doesn’t divide.”
Her anxiety came amid her marital problems with Marroquin, who she was married to for nearly four years. “I feel like I rushed into things,” she said. “I had a child at a young age; therefore, I felt like getting married to someone would be a resolve. After the first year, the relationship was extremely toxic, but we were already married. This was a lesson for me but at the expense of my child.”
She added that she knew she was going to regret marrying Marroquin. “We were fighting constantly and not even sleeping in the same bed,” she said. “I was overcome and filled with doubt at all times. I was trying to convince myself that things would get better in time, but they never did. The reality was that I had been in search of a lie, and it wasn’t because we didn’t love each other. I would venture to say that it was because it was never meant to be. I was in search of happiness, but I kept coming up short.”
She added that he threatened divorce on several occasions. “I was afraid in so many ways,” she wrote of splitting. “I was afraid to start over, afraid to fail at love again, and afraid to be the mother of two children from two different relationships that didn’t work.”
Despite Marroquin’s claims, she said she “never cheated.” “I was just done,” she said. “I was going to take my life back and begin to live for the boys and me.” The Ashley’s Reality Roundup
was the first to report on her marital issues in the tell-all book.
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