What is a Narcissistic Person? Determining Narcissists and Never Getting Played by Them
Jan. 26 2026, Published 2:15 a.m. ET
The word "narcissist" gets thrown around a lot. Nowadays, every toxic or even self-protecting behavior can be called narcissistic. Although it's normal for every person to have certain narcissistic traits, a real narcissistic person has distinct behaviors and habits that are easy to determine.
Where is the line between confidence, self-interest, and unhealthy narcissism? This article will explore the definition of a narcissistic person as well as effective strategies to stand up against narcissism, even if you're one of them. Take a short narcissist test to assess whether you or your social circle may have narcissistic traits.
What Is a Narcissistic Person Like? (+ Free Narcissist Checklist)
A narcissistic person is someone who appears confident and charming but acts without reciprocation, emotionally manipulates, or makes other people question their reality. The fact that narcissism is about liking yourself is a myth because it's more about maintaining superiority.
Consider this before completing the checklist. The behaviors in this narcissist test don't automatically make a person manipulative or toxic. If you observe these behaviors but don't feel like they harm you, they are normal as long as you are safe.
The checklist also doesn't measure Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a clinical diagnosis, but general narcissistic traits. For more accurate results, observe yourself and your social circle for a longer time.
Checklist: Common Signs of a Narcissistic Person
Self-image and validation
Needs constant admiration or praise.
Likes attention, whether it's due to good or bad deeds.
Reacts poorly (meltdowns, shutdowns) when not recognized or celebrated.
Exaggerates achievements or status.
Is jealous of the achievements of others, but makes them look negligible.
Measures self-worth through their own strengths (e.g., success, appearance, or power).
Empathy and emotional awareness
Minimizes, dismisses, or invalidates emotions (e.g., “You’re too sensitive,” "Don't make a big deal out of this")
Appears caring only when it benefits their image (especially a common trait among narcissistic women or mothers).
Quickly loses interest when conversations aren’t about them.
Finds it hard to relate to someone.
Relationships and control
Relationships work for them only if they have some benefits out of it.
Good things and caring are transactional with them (e.g., "if I gave you a ride home, you have to pay it back with intimacy")
Uses guilt, obligation, or silent treatment to regain control.
Makes partner/friend/child/colleague second-guess their personality or preferences to appear a better person.
Has difficulty apologizing or taking responsibility.
Rewrites history to avoid blame (e.g., “That’s not what happened”).
Sensitivity and defensiveness
Extremely sensitive to criticism, even mild feedback or perceived criticism.
Can react with anger when challenged.
Can react with dismissal when challenged.
Only plays games ot participates in competitions they can win.
Sees disagreement as a personal attack.
Is passive-aggressive and makes ironic statements that cover up as jokes.
Entitlement and boundaries
Expects special treatment or exceptions.
Disregards others’ boundaries, time, or needs.
Becomes irritated when others say “no.”
Assumes their needs should come first.
Social behavior
Charismatic in public but dismissive in private.
Has an image that they constantly work on to maintain.
Competes instead of collaborating in teamwork.
Constantly seeks status instead of joy, enjoyment, and collaboration.
Why Some People Are More Narcissistic Than Others
Narcissistic traits don’t appear randomly. They develop from a mix of:
- Early childhood experiences
A child could be praised excessively without learning about social rules and communication with other people.
Narcissistic traits might develop from parents neglecting the child emotionally or physically. That's how a child learn to survive by adapting to prioritize themselves first.
- Trauma
- Either childhood trauma or trauma in adulthood can make a person extremely sensitive to their own image. They may believe they are the root of everyone's behavior, hence, center themselves everywhere.
- Cultural reinforcement
- Individualistic cultures (USA, Western Europe) promote grandiose self-expression and self-focus with the constant presence of "me."
- Collectivistic societies, like most of Asia and Eastern Europe, can promote narcissism by seeking validation and approval within the group.
- Social media in recent years has placed a huge emphasis on achievements and success, which makes narcissists more visible and sensitive.
- Low emotional intelligence
- Narcissistic traits deprive a person of empathy, a key component of emotional intelligence
- Without empathy, narcissists find it harder to regulate themselves and help others, which keeps the vicious cycle going.
How to Deal With a Narcissistic Person
Dealing with a narcissistic person can feel emotionally exhausting and disorienting. But the goal here isn’t to change them. The lasting change happens only with self-awareness and professional help.
In dealing with a person with narcissistic traits, you have to think about protecting your mental health first and regaining a sense of control. Below are realistic, grounded strategies that actually help.
1. Set clear, non-negotiable boundaries.
This is a basic, but necessary rule for everyone who has a narcissistic person in their social circle. Narcissistic people like to test limits to see how far they can go with humiliating and manipulating you. Boundaries work only when they are clear, consistent, and, most importantly, enforced.
Be specific: “I won’t discuss this topic anymore” is clearer than “Please stop.”
Expect pushback. A narcissistic person will let you know that they don't like your boundary and can even make you doubt yourself. It doesn't mean that your boundary is wrong.
Follow through with consequences, such as ending a conversation or limiting contact.
Don't treat boundaries as "punishment" for narcissists. They’re information about what behavior you will and won’t accept.
2. Stop explaining yourself.
Over-explaining is a fuel for manipulation. Narcissistic individuals may twist your words or invalidate your reasons. Sometimes, they can even critique the way you pronounce words, while clearly knowing what you meant.
What you can do:
State your position once, calmly.
Don't debate your feelings: they don’t need approval to be valid.
3. Don’t take the bait
There will always be provocation in relationships with narcissists. Here's how you're going to react:
Notice patterns instead of reacting to single incidents.
Halt your urgent emotional responses.
Ask yourself, “What happens if I don’t engage?"
4. Find support in other people.
Isolation makes narcissistic dynamics more damaging. Outside perspective helps you reality-check your experiences.
Talk to trusted friends or family.
Consider working with a therapist, especially if self-doubt or anxiety is growing.
Learn about narcissistic patterns so behavior feels predictable, not personal.
5. Know when to limit or end contact
If the relationship consistently harms your mental health and boundaries are ignored, reducing contact (or going no contact) may be necessary.
This decision is deeply personal, but it doesn't have to be dramatic.
What to Do If You Notice Narcissistic Traits in Yourself
Realizing that you may show narcissistic traits can be uncomfortable, and that discomfort is actually a good sign. Here's the thing: if you consider that you may be narcissistic, there's a high likelihood that you actually aren't.
But it doesn't mean that you can't become a better person for yourself and your social circle. Here's what you can do:
1. Separate traits from identity.
Showing narcissistic behaviors doesn’t define who you are. Traits are just how you behave:
You can act defensively without being a “bad person.”
You can crave admiration and still care about others.
The fact that you're aware of certain narcissistic traits already sets you apart.
2. Practice tolerating discomfort.
Start small:
Make a list of things that make you uncomfortable, including things like a cold shower, physical activity, speaking in public, etc.
Do one thing from a list once a week or two that would expose you to discomfort.
Let someone disagree with you without correcting them.
Practice "I am not my feeling" affirmation. Talk it out loud or print it out and put it in a visible place.
3. Build empathy muscles
Empathy isn’t a personality trait you either have or don’t. It’s a skill. And you can practice it with these exercises:
- Read fictional novels
- Don't oversimplify facts. Reflect on the grey areas of news, certain events, or acts of people in your life.
- Try meditation for beginners, which has been proven to activate brain parts responsible for empathy.
4. Seek professional support
Working with a therapist can help uncover the emotional roots of (perceived) narcissistic traits, like unmet needs, attachment wounds, or chronic invalidation.
Therapy can also help you with:
Learning healthier emotional regulation
Developing stable self-worth not tied to admiration
Improving relationships
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A Key Takeaway
Having narcissistic traits does not automatically make someone abusive, but when these behaviors are persistent or harmful to others, they can significantly disrupt mental health, relationships, and self-esteem.
The goal of recognizing narcissistic patterns isn’t to diagnose or attack. If you feel affected by the narcissistic traits of others, set boundaries. If you feel like you may have exhibited some narcissistic behaviors, learn about yourself.
There's no shame in narcissism. What's more shameful is not wanting to change and continuing to hurt your loved and beloved ones.
