To be honest, I've never been good at getting laid at a bar or club. I wasn't a great dancer or a standup comedian in training. I was just an awkward dude! But then one day, tired of blowing $100 every weekend on cheap alcohol, I decided to try something else. I took a chance on the best hookup websites online.
My sex life drastically improved! Suddenly, I wasn't trying to outdo Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. I didn't have to be wittier than Joey Tribbiani or Barney Stinson. I was just plain old me, connecting with a bunch of cool people who wanted to chat on weeknights.
Turns out, girls want to get laid just as much as guys! No commitments, no pressure, just sex.
There is a catch, though. You have to learn to use the tricks of the trade and figure out what actually works on hookup sites. That's what I figured out, and that's what I'm going to share – along with the top 20 dating sites for hookups that worked for me.
Let's start by considering each website and why some of them actually help you on your quest for random nooky.
Best Hookup Site Winners:
1. Adult Friend Finder – Best Of The Adult Dating Sites Overall
Newsfeed, webcam and fetish groups
A variety of options to select and search for
$29.99 a month, somewhat pricey
I liked Adult Friend Finder because it was the most versatile of the casual dating sites, offering not only casual singles dating, but also trans dating, swingers dating, MMF threesomes, FFM threesomes and even FMM threesomes.
But AFF is a hookup app and dating site that lets you feel the pulse of the sex community, wherever you may be located. Adult Friend Finder's community features like news feeds, amateur or pro webcam models, and fetish discussion groups does give it an edge.
Remember, grasshopper, in your casual hookup search, you must be willing to go along with whatever sex is available at the moment. That might mean a one-night stand, or even just fooling around at a local sexy club.
That's why Adult Friend Finder, which has been operating since 1996, never disappoints.
2. Ashley Madison – Best Site For A One-Night Stand
Discreet married lovers
Photo editing for anonymity
Frequent discounts for credits
Not much in the way of sexual flexibility
Ashley Madison has a "type," all right – usually married women and married men looking for the best casual dating opportunities. Of course, the catch here is that most of the women will not consider being friends with benefits and will likely not want to see you again.
Ashley Madison – with its extra security features, heavy encryption and anonymous browsing – offers you the best experience in discreet dating. No real names, never going to see her againn and no complaints.
And for God's sakes, no silly mistakes – like leaving your cellphone in plain view!
3. Seeking – Best Female-To-Male Ratio
4-to-1 female-to-male ratio
Women are much chattier here
It's really about the money
Let's put it this way – there are regular adult dating sites (wading through hundreds of "hard no" profiles for hours), and then there's Seeking. If you're a man on SeekingArrangement.com then you will have your pick of the most beautiful women in the world. (Yes, women and gay men can also find their younger muse just the same.)
But of course, there's a catch!
Seeking.com has all the heavenly bodies available because it caters to rich men who are successful and willing to blow thousands of dollars on a date. Some women like the offer. They get free gifts, free dinners, tons of flirting and then sex, maybe, if they really feel like it.
4. Tinder – Most Popular Dating App
Limited free membership
Instant matching and chatting
Everyone knows it's just about sex
Let's get one thing straight: Tinder is not that great of an app. But damnit, we got to admit it's one of the most successful apps in the world because it has tons of users, it's very easy to just load and swipe, and you don't even have to pay a membership fee to score.
That said, Tinder is also one of the most difficult hookup sites and apps to use, because of the monstrous competition you're going to face. Alpha gym rat? Prepare to battle! Nerdy future billionaire in the making? Just one of many!
5. Bumble – Best Hookup App For Geeks, Nerds And Smart Guys
Friends, lovers or business acquaintances search
Women start the conversation
Attracts brainer people than Tinder
Not as versatile or experimental as the competition
I've always liked Bumble because it's like Tinder's smarter older sister. Bumble is managed by women, made by a woman and basically gets rid of all the stuff women hate about dating apps. On Bumble, women make the first move after a match.
Bumble is free (with limited freedoms), and also gives you the option of searching for lovers, friends or business connections. And why not, because in theory, some of the best lays of your life could be workmates and/or friends of friends.
Er, just try to play it cool and don't give it away with your red-faced "just had sex" grin.
6. Hinge – Best App To Find Casual Sex (Friends With Benefits)
Very active membership
Lots of FWBs potential
$12.99 a month, half the price of the competition
Some women here want a relationship, not just a fling
Hinge was our surprise winner this time around, because (A) so many people have had success stories about how it really works, and (B) I personally found a few dates that went "all the way" and then some.
So what's the secret of Hinge, the app designed to be deleted?
Well, the secret is that it's not a great hookup app for women, as much as it's a great friends-with-benefits finder. It's a fact that most women prefer an emotional connection to a guy they're dating, even if that relationship is doomed in terms of marriage potential.
7. Victoria Milan – Most Secure Casual Dating App
Lots of marrieds and secrets
Not as many members as Ashley Madison
Victoria Milan is basically Ashley Madison rebooted – and with one big difference. Victoria Milan is slightly more female-friendly and has arguably better security features.
Whereas Ashley Madison has had a few minor security issues over the years, Victoria Milan has tried to enhance their encryption technology and streamline the secure/anonymous system.
The downside is that Victoria Milan has fewer members and is not well known around the world.
8. Alt.com – Best Of The BDSM Sites
Mainly BDSM fetishes
No ads, so more real users
A variety of search options, like Mistresses and Doms
The vanilla-minded need not apply
Alt.com is the Rocky Road to every other hookup site's vanilla theme. Whereas some people just like good, old-fashioned meat-and-potatoes bonking, others prefer bondage or caging or dressing up in furry costumes.
We don't judge!
Alt.com matches up the kinksters with their admirers, and the men, women and others of trans lovers. If you're looking for a kinky evening, look no further than Alt.com.
9. Dirty R4R – Best Free Hookup Site
Photo exchange, chat, post or answer ads
560K members and growing
Not many features
Any thirsty person knows it's hard to find free hookup sites. Not only are real profiles scarce, but membership fees can be a nuisance. For those with only time to give, they might try searching the seedy part of Reddit.
Dirty R4R is the filthiest place on Reddit, with random ads, little moderation (nothing too spammy or illegal), and it's located all across the big cities.
It's very primitive compared to the best hookup sites out there, but it's 100 percent free, and who knows? You might get lucky!
10. NoStringsAttached.com – Most Untraceable Option For Adult Dating Sites
Pay by check or money order
Discreet for the married user
Single or married search
No verification system
Ashley Madison and Victoria Milan are the best you can do in terms of sophisticated online hooking up. But there's one extra ace up the sleeve of No Strings Attached – the option of a paper check or money order.
For some men, it's the only option. They don't want their credit cards being charged, even if it's a discrete name. (Partners can run a Google search – surprise, surprise.)
Best Hookup App Runners Up:
These sites and apps fell short of reaching the top 10 but still might be worth a look.
11. FetLife – BDSM Online Dating Sites Runnerup
Free chat, follow your favorites for free, and see naughty photos and kink blogs for free. The only downside is that FetLife's membership is very distrusting of new members overall. You really have to be gregarious and chatty to fit in here.
12. Grindr – Among The Best Hookup Apps For Gay Men
Grindr is one of the best-known gay online dating sites for bear-like men as well as the opposite, the metrosexual wolves! Grindr caters to gay guys or trans people that love gay sex.
13. HER – Best Lesbian One Night Stands App
The lesbian and bisexual equivalent of Tinder, this app caters to women who like women, or womxn, and does not allow cis dudes for obvious reasons.
14. Feeld.co – Runnerup For Finding Casual Hookups And Threesomes
You can join as a couple, define your complex sexuality (24 different paramaters), and best of all, not out yourself to Facebook friends. Feeld is new and mostly used in and around London, United Kingdom.
15. Elite Singles – Best Hookup Site For Successful Singles
Elite Singles has a sobering premise – stop dating people out of your league (or shall we say, not part of your world), and instead, date someone successful, professionaln and well-off.
16. Zoosk – Second Best Of The Dating Apps For World Travel
Zoosk finds you matches based on shared Facebook friends. It also has a fun and friendly web interface and app. It's a quality runner-up to Adult Friend Finder, at least in terms of finding FWB all over the globe.
17. POF – Best Hookup App Runnerup
POF has a website and an app, and you can only chat for free if you match someone else. My friends and I have found that we usually have to pay the premium fee to match with anybody.
18. OkCupid – Best Casual Dating App For Millennials
OkCupid is millennial-friendly and not just because 20-somethings and 18+ teens use the service. The questionnaire (not afraid to delve into political/religious pontificating) is a sweet way to filter out all your red-hat or blue-button-wearing enemies.
19. Facebook Dating Mobile – Best New Online Dating App
Facebook Dating is relatively new and offers much in the way of matching, undoubtedly benefiting from Facebook's large member base.
20. Craigslist Activities – The Casino Of How To Find A Hookup
One time, my friend and I answered an ad from two bored girls. We spent about $200 on tequila shots that night, but the sex was worth it. I mean, it was until I reconciled my checkbook, but you know...
And never again. Most of the time, you find spam ads or sometimes dudes offering handjobs, to straight men who struck out with their girlfriends. But hey, a rebound is a rebound!
Your Guide To Getting Laid Using Hook Up Sites And Apps:
#1: Choose The Right App For The Right Purpose
You'll notice some apps have a specific niche. One of the worst mistakes someone can make is asking for a hookup on a dating app that's completely opposite in its theme.
#2: Memorize A Number Of Ice Breaker Questions/Jokes
It's time to take note of the worst opening lines ("Hi, how are you?", "ASL?" or, "What are you looking for?") and try to come up with something original. Pretend like your sex life depended on it! Use your creativity, sense of humor and flair to come up with an opening line that makes them remember you.
#3: Master The Art Of Conversation And Listening
Rather than simply using one-word answers to reply to an interesting statement, try researching something about the subject for a follow-up. Ask questions and try to get your partner to talk more about their favorite pastime.
Listen closely to what your date says. Your goal is not simply to exchange ideas or thoughts, but to get EMOTION involved. Talk about things that you feel passionately about and try to move them to do the same.
#4: Stay Near The Big City
While it's nice to have an Adult Friend Finder match in Buford, Wyoming, you're simply playing with the odds stacked against you in small cities or towns. The bigger the city, the more people live there, and the more likely you will find local matches.
#5: Post Better Quality Photos
I can't tell you how many times I've joked with a woman on a dating app about "terrible photos." It's a running joke that guys don't know how to take good photos. In short, think professional quality, like something you'd find on the news if you won the lottery or were elected president of the United States.
Don't post shirtless mirror selfies, don[t post bum selfies where you just got out of bed, don't post photos with your jackass friends, don't grimace at the camera and don't smile like Jethro Bodine. Just think about how much crap women go through to put makeup on, dress nice, do their hair and look good for a date.
You don't have to do all that, but it helps a lot to make an effort.
#6: Talk About Sex When It's Appropriate
It's inevitable that you're going to talk about sex eventually. You're on a hookup site, so too many "nice guy" shenanigans will only make you seem boring. Instead, embrace ideas that turn you on. Embrace sexual tension and the giggling that follows flirty banter.
Just don't bring up sex too soon. Have a great conversation first, then gradually make the "switch" from intelligent and respectful to sexy and curious. It will happen naturally if you pay attention to your partner and respond to their signals.
#7: Work On Exuding Positive Energy
Finally, cut out all negativity as much as possible. Don't complain about your life, the world, politics, religion, your ex or what you hate about other people on dating apps. Don't try so hard to be mysterious or "seductive" or a player or a badass "Dom." These attitudes only make you seem creepy to the average woman!
Be yourself in the sense that you can have an adult conversation, enjoy some laughs and talk out your reasons for using this app.
FAQs About Hookup Sites:
We have answers to some commonly asked hookup questions.
What are the best dating sites for a man over 45?
While middle-aged guys (from Gen X to Boomers) can use Ashley Madison, FetLife and Tinder, some prefer to stand out immediately from the cutthroat dating competition. Seeking makes it all about the money – and admits what works best in online dating.
Namely, attracting women based on your wealth, power and confidence – and impressing them with free gifts and expensive dates. Statistically speaking, Seeking has a 4-to-1 female-to-male ratio and that's unmatched in the industry.
Which hookup sites appeal to younger guys?
If you want to date younger and brainier, then it helps a lot to be a young hot guy in pretty good physical shape. Intellect and humor also go a long way, and those qualities can make you shine even in a crowded place like Zoosk or OkCupid.
The main difference is that OkCupid leans more toward long-term relationships, and Zoosk is more about "wham, bam, thank you ma'am."
What's the best hookup app for women?
Bumble was designed by a woman in an effort to correct everything people didn't like about Tinder, Craigslist and other sites. Yet, it's not simply a "relationship-oriented" app. Women want sex as much as men do, but guys have to learn how to play by their rules.
Bumble doesn't have the 4-to-1 ratio that Seeking does, but it's the best hookup app for women because of the rules and standards that are made for her. Not coincidentally, Bumble is also better for guys who prefer intelligence, down-to-earth conversation and more realistic terms of beauty.
How can I stay safe during casual sex?
Here are a few tips to stay safe when seeking casual sex:
Always meet in a public place until you trust each other.
Pay close attention to your date's gestures, facial movements and words.
Ask for photo verification, online or offline (maybe even ask to live video chat).
Compare what they say online to their social media page, if provided.
Tell a friend or relative where you're going and how to reach you in an emergency.
Always (always!) wear protection.
If someone is lying to you or giving you strange vibes that you can't explain, take these warnings seriously. Sometimes your subconscious mind knows when something isn't right.
Should I be upfront about my preferences when using dating sites?
You definitely should, but there's something to be said for being considerate, politically correct and professional in all your dialog. Instead of "filtering out" everyone you don't like, focus on the positives of who you ARE looking for.
Paint a word picture of your perfect lover!
Do not go on for paragraphs describing people you're not attracted to or the type of people you can't stand. It's too negative and will ultimately reflect badly on you.
You don't have to use offensive language or insulting descriptions just to get your point across. Always keep things positive in your profile. You're talking to friends, not enemies!
Conclusion: The Best Online Dating Sites And Hookup Apps
In my dating experience, Adult Friend Finder was the best overall hookup site because of the variety of relationships you can pursue. It's experimental, conventional and just about everything in between.
On the other hand, Ashley Madison provided the best of the other world, the secret world of casual hookups and the people that never say a word. It's discrete, well-known and the best hookup site if you want to have sex on the down-low.
If you haven't found much success in online hook ups, don't give up. Finding a partner takes time. You might discover the best sex of your life if you just hang in there...and change your approach just a little bit.