Everyone seems to have an opinon these days about whether Sandra Bullock should divorce Jesse James.
And while most of the world is siding with the Oscar winner going it alone, we thought we’d be fair and ask the experts whether there’s any chance or…better yet, any reason for Sandra to want to salvage her broken marriage to James.
RadarOnline.com spoke to a marriage and family therapist as well as to an addiction specialist who weighed in on the issues.
“Jesse James fits the category type of a serial cheater,” Dr. Bethany Marshall, a family and marriage therapist and author of the book Dealbreakers: When To Work On A Relationship And When To Walk Away, told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “It’s the narcissistic, self-absorbed guy who has a lack of empathy and lack of regard for his wife or partner. In this case, even if he stops cheating, the lack of empathy will be evident in every other aspect of their relationship anyway, so it’s not fixable even if he stops cheating. If Sandra decides to stay with Jesse, the marriage will be completely compromised, and why wouldn’t she want to be with somebody who would completely cherish her?”
Addiction specialist and CEO of Hills Treatment Center in the Hollywood Hills, Dr. Howard Samuels, agrees, but says Sandra isn’t necessarily innocent in this situation either.
“Sandra Bullock’s picker is broken,” says Samuels. “In my practice I find that a lot of people pick unavailable men or women. Even though they may get married, they pick people who can not truly be intimate in that relationship. If you have someone in that relationship who has been lying and cheating for years, there’s obviously something wrong with Sandra that she would have picked someone so dysfunctional in relationships.”
Samuels explains, “Jesse, without question, is a sex addict. But guess who picked him? Sandra! She has to take responsibility. If she’s ever going to get healthier in her relationships, she can’t be a victim.”
Following in the footsteps of Tiger Woods, Jesse James checked into rehab in Arizona for sex addiction. Both experts agree that sex addiction is a legitimate disorder, but say it’s not likely that a short stay in rehab will “cure” James of his past behaviors.
“Sex addiction is the result of someone who can not have intimacy in their lives,” Samuels said. “I believe there’s hope for anyone with addiction. But because Jesse is so attracted to strippers, and that seems to be his drug of choice, he seems to be a bottom feeder. That’s unfortunate because that means he’s coming from a very damaged place himself. As a result he has a long way to recovery.”
“In this case, the damage is so great, it can’t be repaired,” Marshall adds. “And that’s when it’s too much, when the damage and the humiliation is profound. He Jesse humiliated Sandra publicly. In this case, the cheating came out as she was achieving her greatest success, which suggests envy and a wish to tear her down, and that’s going to be evident in other aspects of their relationship as well.”