So here we are, night three of the American Idol audition rounds in Chicago and I’m still jaded. I’m still watching with an open mind but I still miss Paula and still don’t like Kara. Tonight’s guest judge is Shania Twain and while I absolutely respect her career and see why she was asked to judge -- she’s just not my most favorite artist. Plus, I’m a little thrown that the judges are sitting at the table in a different order than usual. It’s Simon, then Shania, Kara and finally Randy. New energy -- that’s always a good thing, right? Maybe -- but I’m still not feeling it.
Things get started and maybe I’m a cynical New Yorker but I just don’t have patience for the wanna-be contestants with a larger than life persona and a “gimmick” that they think will make them stand out. Let’s take Amy Lang. She is my worst nightmare -- one of those people that doesn’t understand that life isn’t a 24/7 show starring her. First she over shares with Ryan and lets him (and the world) know that he was the first celebrity she ever had a sex dream about (gross). Then, she begins her audition by falling to the ground and fainting. Oh don’t worry -- she was fine! She popped right back up and belted out Dr. Feel Good by Aretha Franklin and ended with some weird choreography with her boobs. Thankfully she was told a resounding “no” by the panel.
Do you understand why I have no patience?
But then there are girls like Angela Martin -- a truly talented singer with a heartbreaking story. She made it to Hollywood in season seven -- except her dad’s funeral was the week before so she choked. Angela made it to Hollywood again in season eight except she had to drop out due to a court summons for traffic tickets. Hopefully she’ll stay out of trouble because I predict big things for her -- like top ten! ou read it here first! The judges all loved her and so did I. Wait, am I getting excited about the talent? Can’t be...
Day Two of the Chicago auditions begin and we meet Brian Krause. He’s an army man that claims he performed for the troops. Perhaps he was brought in to scare off enemies? That had to be the case because his audition was so awful that the judges made him swear on his life that he wasn’t joking. I prayed he was joking. Sadly he was sincere.
And, finally there was Paige Dechausse. She had a touching back story about how she suffers from horrible asthma and was supposed to die at 15 but it was music that kept her alive. She sang Sam Cooke’s A Change Is Gonna Come with a very nice voice but she had no personality, no spunk and no “wow” factor. I was bored. Simon didn’t like her either and passed. Randy was definitely on the fence but Kara and Shania bullied him into letting her through to Hollywood. And ladies and gentlemen, that’s why I’m still not fully on team Idol. Paige was talented -- but she’s not the next American Idol. Simon knows that there are a lot of sob stories in the music business but it doesn’t mean you deserve a recording contract. But sadly, I fear the voting public follows the tugs on their heartstrings rather than the music. With Simon leaving after this season -- I hope he can finally get through to America before he goes about what really makes a star!
-By Lauren Brown, TV Critic