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EXCLUSIVE: Octo-Mom On Autistic Son - "I Cry Sometimes...I Blame Myself"

Apr. 24 2009, Updated 7:48 a.m. ET

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Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive new interview that she still cries sometimes over the fact that her 3-year-old son, Aidan, has severe autism. Suleman says she feels guilty about drinking caffeine while she was pregnant with him and thinks it contributed to his disorder.

Suleman said that reading studies linking a mothers' use of meth with increased rates of autism in their children convinced her that caffeine--also a stimulant--has a similar effect. Though Suleman said doctors have dismissed her hypothesis, she is convinced that the coffee habit she formed while she was pregnant with Aidan increased the severity of his autism.

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Suleman said that she was "self medicating" for ADHD (a condition that she has never been formally diagnosed with) by drinking coffee during those months and now blames her behavior for Aidan's challenges.   

Aidian, who has a severe form  of autism, doesn't like to be touched or held. Though he is vocal and often hums Barney songs to himself, he will likely never speak or live on his own. Suleman says that while his aversion to physical attention can be difficult for her to accept, her young son still finds his own ways to show his affection.

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