WORLDWIDE EXCLUSIVE: Octo-Mom's Anguish: "I Screwed Myself. I Screwed Up My Life & My Kids' Lives"

Octo-Mom gets real in an explosive new interview you have to watch.

Speaking with brutal candor, Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman reveals a bombshell to her best friend, and only RadarOnline.com can show you their intimate conversation.

In this brand new story, Nadya reveals --for the first time -- how she coerced the father of her 14 children to be the sperm donor, and that he was extremely upset when he learned she had frozen his sperm to keep having kids.

"I screwed myself. I screwed up my life and I screwed up my kid's lives. What the heck am I going to do?", Nadya says as she dines Wednesday night with her best friend at The Melting Pot, a fondue restaurant in Brea, California near her home in La Habra, Calif.  In another candid statement, Nadya says "I have to pretend I don't regret it."

Nadya also reveals that every day, her older children ask about their father, whose identity remains a mystery.  "He's just afraid. He's hiding," says Suleman. "He'll lose everything".

In past interviews, Nadya has described  the babydaddy as a "friend," but now, speaking to RadarOnline.com, she admits:  "I secretly wanted him in my life."

Nadya says she wants to apologize to the father, saying "he's probably angry and resentful."  Adds Suleman: "I'm the ghost that's haunting his existance."

She also says if the father does not initiate a relationship with her children on his own, she will reveal his identity to her oldest child Elijah when he turns 18 in ten years, so that he can contact his dad, if he wants to.