The entire sartorial history of the universe is peppered with recurring trends, but no single item of clothing has been as steadfast and evergreen as stretchy pants. Every generation has its own version, from the buckskins that chic'd up the Trail of Tears to the tights that kept Robin Hood and his merry men all in a row. Knickers, panty hose, garter belts, stirrups—they've all served a purpose, keeping cellulite at bay or helping trannies suit up for decades.

So why do we currently have to live through the worst—and most useless—incarnation of the form, the leggings as pants movement? This may only be a trend confined to svelte-ish girls in L.A. and lower Manhattan, but someone needs to give these women a heads up. Just because you put on a sweater and a hat does not mean that you can rock half an outfit downstairs. You look like a little girls who have pulled off their dresses and run through a department store in stocking feet. I want to page your mothers over an intercom. The camel toe may be back, but I like mine subtle, tucked under a tunic or peeking through too-tight jeans, not hollering at me on the subway from metallic nylon-spandex bizarro pants. Let us all remember that leggings are as old as sand, and that we should be honoring a legacy, not flaunting an open reference to jazzercise gear. —Rachel Syme