it's like courteney love with spellchecker.

good to see they tested it's response to the all important "being kicked by that stoner guy you knew in college" scenario.

i'm having a little trouble running this sentence:
" I could not stop puking up the entire bottle of wine I downed the night before. I blame the friend because it was her birthday, although when I glimpse my protruding ribs on the back of L.A. Weekly weeks later, I'm secretly thankful for having nothing left in my stomach that day."
up against this one:
"You could think of Dov as a champion for positive body image. He likes his models happy and squishy, unlike the emaciated aliens of the runways."

i don't know, some of us experienced our first sexual stirrings to flashdance, which taught us that you can have everything you want, if you're a stripper who welds.

from now on, you should start all articles with "FIRST!". i hear that works.

to be fair, prince phillip is a nazi and a racist.

captions by ONTD commenters?

cue handwringing about "people who egged her on", despite the fact that those people probably knew damn well that it was a hoax and were mocking her for that.

yes, but $76 is funnier. fuck you, reality!

it's like having your ears gently caressed with recently-severed bunny feet.
(take that, sasha frere-jones!)

hanging out at the beach?
hirin a hooker - ur doin it wrong!

@number 9:
i have no idea what you just said. "the smartest woman in the world" is marilyn vos savant, right?

...also, if yoko now says "choire's a dude?!?", the universe will implode in an entirely unpleasing way.

choire: i recommend you refer to yourself as "miss sicha" from now on, as per yoko's comment above. it has a certain ring to it.

"season of the fred" but no "dawn of the fred"?

yes, the name "winehouse" and the song "rehab" (which, like many of her songs, seems to consist of a single verse repeated over and over again, with some blather in between and no attainment of full chorus status) are part of an orchestrated plot to make all jokes so easy as to be not worth the bother.

"radar_sucks" may want to learn what "prolific" means. or maybe i just want to learn what "radar_sucks" thinks "prolific" means. anyway, "plant a tree: kill a child" sounds awesome, and you should totally write that.

i'm going to file "stupefying" with my collection of highly ambiguous ostensible praises.

so sad...to see someone behaving like a website-pimping pigfucker, see the comment above.

au contraire, mrs delaney. your son has a special talent.

....a vested interest in the comedy cellar and a strange unfamiliarity with the concept of humour.

well, i've never given a robot a bad name, but when i was 8 i tried to name my cat "miss bianca". does that count?

can john mayer even burp without sounding creepy?