Get-rich schemes via telecommute. How Millennial!

And perhaps y'all are too young to remember, but the Internet was initially called the World Wide Web, not Little Timmy's Private Box o' Secrets.

Dude got jocked for playing hooky, not silenced for fighting the power. Get over it.

Alex is one of those twiggysexual Gawker twerps (you know, those immaculately attired handbag swingers wracked with barely suppressed East Coast envy), so his skills set involves more snark than substance. He sounds like he's still smarting from the spanking administed by his cool Uncle Rob.

It's OK, Alex. Have a Holdredge Wren Hop Pinot Noir lollipop. Are we still BFFs?

Wow. I had no idea my children were "status-symbol stroller-filler."

Pah, hubris is every generation's youthful right and folly. Nothing we didn't learn ourselves. "Get outta the way, old man." There's a sentiment that sounds familiar. Funny thing, of course, is we soon become that too--much sooner than we'd dreamed was possible. Like, decades before our first gray hairs, even, or when we were finally handed that gold watch in recognition of 30 years' service! (Though I find it funny when younger folks use "old" as an epithet--not because I don't consider myself old at 35, but because I much prefer it to 25; also, "youth" does not automatically equal relevance.)

Shoot. The Millennials' rise and decline will follow the same playbook as always. They'll yap a while, spewing from the same script--in more contemporary language, of course--we used to denigrate our predecessors. Some'll make good on their threats. Most won't. Instead, they'll slide into comfortable anonymity, perhaps praying their kids don't diddle about online and find still-extant screen caps of mommy's teenaged webcam or daddy's Youtube mash note to Panic! At The Disco. Life will continue, and culture magazines will champion newer generations at the expense of the old.

So, kids, enjoy the attention while you can. Someday you'll realize how fleeting it all was.