Well, Carr did most of the heavy lifting.

EMBRACE THE BEAR

un1mpressed: No, this has been in the works for quite some time.

Man, you're a tough sell. What DOES 1mpress you?

I'm the anti-Curly, so probably.

I always thought I projected a humble sense of inflated self-worth. Sigh.

What would I do with out you? Apart from "have a much less cluttered inbox."

Also, if you're scoring at home, it's /span.

Jesus, we suck. Fixing now, thanks.

I just wish people wouldn't blame the dolphins. It's not their fault that they're so damn attractive.

Only the tumors!

@Talie: You don't know the HALF of it.

All are welcome! Please, continue!

One exclamation mark per comment, please. But feel free to use lots of exclamation marks.

Some folks have written to say that NonSociety seems to be down. I recommend refreshing this page and clicking to the link to it again. If that doesn't work, just keep refreshing. It's totally worth it.

You're SO WELCOME!

Yeah, but it's not so bad when it's not all coming at you at once.

Yes, that's it, suggest more. I'll make Choire go back and add them in, one by one. It's what he deserves.

Shit. i forgot to mention "old." I also used the word "enjoy" twice in the same sentence there. I really need to go home.

This site has been recommended as legitimate:

http://friendsofzim.com/

I will hurt you.

I guess your congressperson? I'm skeptical that it would make any difference.

I'm calling my book And the Liver Says, "Ouch"

@jolie: Yeah, it even hurts to type.

As the world's hairiest man, I cannot tell you how depressing that comment is. Still, even I agree that no one wants to see my matted fur and cleavage.

Oh, come on, he's ADORABLE.

Good point, Craig! Of course, both those people are, you know, ALIVE.

Holy shit, I had no idea I was working for Blender! I'm never going to be free of Tyler, am I?

No, Liz did it just to hurt you. Particularly the self-titled one.

Own it, Katiebakes! Own it!

I KNOW! I laughed my ass off when this one came in.

And don't forget to check out the gallery!

The answer to both questions is "the literary value." Thanks for reading!

We would have had it earlier, but it took a lot of time to boldface all the names.

See above. Also, I don't think anyone's blaming the Clintons for this, just the hard-core supporters who can't let go.

God, if only someone were actually EDITING today. I'll fix it now, thanks.

I'm more amused by the assumption that, because the Hulk is green, his pants should be green.

I think that's why we're trying to spread it around the world.

But doesn't eating babies give him strength? That might undermine the Democrats' plan to paint him as too old.

Just teens? I'm pretty sure The Bible had a passage about how Methuselah, even in his declining years "could not abide to deprive himself of a tight kitty."

We can't afford him. And he's SUCH a pain in the ass to work with.

I knew I'd get some kind of spanking for that. I told you, I'm out of practice. I haven't touched this kind of thing in months.

Really? I was kicking myself for not just going with another video of Denise Richards in the shower.

Seriously. I'm saving up for a Southern Style chicken sandwich.

The "tell bother" thing was TOTALLY the editor's fault. I'd fire him, but, you know, I really need the job.

Can someone tell me what the fuck the dude in the first comment was saying?

Obviously they think it's because the articles are too long.

TOO SOON!

If I had that kind of money I'd hire Choire full time.

Jesus, if I were actually trying today I probably could have worked that Who reference into the headline. Thanks, Karen.

You mean it isn't already?

Man, that's an unwieldy headline.

Dear Genius,

The point was how outrageous the Wired connection between Kennedy and herpes was. But clearly you're way too busy dealing with what seems to be intensive and searching research into different types of herpetic syndromes to have time for anything as simple as "reading comprehension." But thanks for commenting!

Well said, teambooberry! Thanks for sharing.

Also, I know that stories about folks "mailing back the keys" are highly exaggerated, so let's consider Rep. Richardson a trend-setter.

Neel doesn't actually READ Radar.

Well, there's no arguing with logic like that. Thanks for the diagnosis!

Sadly, Arwen777 (and the other 776 Arwens who might be tempted to comment), I am not a 17 year old boy. I do promise that when I was I was just as twisted, sick of a f%&k, which I think makes it better?

Uh, for the record, I was out drinking lunch when this item was written and edited. I do not support or endorse the link to the personal blog within.

And, yes, I am aware that "shammier" is not a word.

I totally get it: Only Democrats think Tiger Woods is a hero.

You haven't known poignancy until you've walked by Neel's cubicle and heard him quietly singing "Everything Was Beautiful At The Ballet" to himself, a half-formed tear in the corner of his eye.

Yeah, yeah, but how much would it cost for US to do it?

And everyone knows Mexicans love Morrissey. For some reason.

Which one, First or Second?

Nah. Ideally we'd like to hear from Neel, but he's probably busy. Possibly impregnating someone.

Also in the IMpregnating area. If you know what I mean. (And I mean the part that Neel uses to impregnate all those women with. If that's actually what he does.)

That's just the jhorts.

Which isn't to say that he couldn't. I mean, I don't know what he does in his spare time. I just don't want it to seem like, you know, Neel Shah is some kind of serial impregnator.

Not to say that Neel has ever impregnated anyone.

And not in the "get someone pregnant" way that that sounded.

We should start a "NeelNailed" meme.

Neel? Is that really you?

You think so, but be very afraid: they're coming after all of us.

Come on. She was great in Freaky Friday.

@Typhoon20: I think if you read carefully, you'll find that the above quote comes from MSNBC, which is not us. Thanks for reading!

@emo: That is WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS.

@jolie: Sorry, transcription error. Fixed, thanks.

When marrying Pam Anderson is a crime, only criminals will marry Pam Anderson.

Sure, but who do you think should play him on SNL?

Our fault. We all got drunk at lunch today!

Jenjermax,

I'm sure you'll enjoy our March feature "Peanuts: The Silent Snack Mix Assassin." Thanks for reading!

Oh, we're way ahead of you.

But Mike Huckabee must be all a-giggle. Dude has seriously earned himself the veep slot.

Dave Grohl, goddamn it!

Also "Amy." I mean, c'mon, too easy.

Totally! Also please click on the ads.

Yoko, thanks for reminding me! Stay tuned for my reviews of the Holy Bible, cowboy hats, a nuclear bomb, and the George W. Bush presidency. Also the movie Dr. Strangelove!

The ad above was far wittier than the item below it, but thanks for the kind words.

I should deny a body this beautiful to anyone just because of outdated notions of morality? It would be criminal.

You people need to get lives. Also, my feet are FANTASTIC.

I'd like to snort me some Alex Balk.

That's exactly what Denton said.

Concur with moneycashhos on the level of priggishness.

Sorry. We have trouble telling all those old Jews apart.