Baffled by some of the terminology in the Tom Cruise Scientology video? During the brief period it was available here yesterday, commenter Patty Pieniadz provided a handy guide.
“I… READ ON

RE-RACKED Simpson, BilsonNo, you’re not seeing double—you’re seeing four classic American breasts. Perhaps feeling that enough time had elapsed since its June 2005 cover featuring Jessica Simpson‘s rack bedecked in… READ ON

ONCE AGAIN, WITH FEELING Wesley, aka Monroe
As jury selection got underway in Wesley Snipes‘ tax evasion trial Monday, it quickly became clear that this would not be your run… READ ON

O GOD NO Oprah
• Oprah’s Witless Nation: “I will now have the opportunity to do this 24 hours a day on a platform that goes on forever,” says… READ ON

POTTY TRAIN Craig
• Private places: Probably way-gay Sen. Larry Craig finds a fluffer in the ACLU, which declares that sex in restroom stalls is a private, not a… READ ON

I AM LEGEND Corey
Heroic Australian party boy Corey Worthington is officially an intercontinental phenomenon. The day after the hard-partying 16-year-old was unfairly accosted by a judgmental newscaster trying to… READ ON

ALL EYES ON ME Romney
Is Mitt Romney a classless shit-bird or a stone cold Machiavellian strategist? That’s the question being pondered by the Republican pundit class following Romney’s flagrant… READ ON

WELL SEASONED Paula
Unerringly, the first episodes of any given American Idol season are less about sifting out those few contestant gems than highlighting the assorted talentless eccentrics. Watching these… READ ON

SLAV-ENLY FASHIONABLE Model
Moscow’s Tagansky Protected Command Point, a 22-story underground nuclear bunker built by Stalin in 1951 and rumored to have been ground zero during the Cuban Missile Crisis… READ ON

WITH A BANG AND A WHIMPER Brit, Adnan
When we last left off, Britney Spears had made a cameo appearance at the courthouse where custody hearings were taking place, but… READ ON

FATAL DISTRACTION Jessica, Tony (inset)
In the wake of Sunday’s stunning loss to the New York Giants, Dallas Cowboy fans have been searching for someone to blame for the crushing… READ ON

UNAMUSED Hillary
Was last night’s Democratic debate in Las Vegas the complete washout it appeared to be, or were pre-debate expectations that Hillary Clinton would come unhinged and devour Barack… READ ON

CASTRATED Truck
There’s trouble down in old Virginia: testicle trouble. Seems the growing trend of “truck nuts,” those powder-coated, drop-forged aluminum automotive decorations shaped to resemble the human scrotum, has… READ ON

MATERNITY REWARD Us Weekly cover
Apparently a full 97 percent of all celebrity ladies are pregnant, thinking of becoming pregnant, gave birth last week, or are engaged in some sort… READ ON