Radar 100

Dreams Deferred

100 reasons you can't sleep

By Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Mike Sacks, and Ted Travelstead

WIDE AWAKE? 100 reasons you can't sleep

This article is from the May/June issue of Radar Magazine. For a risk-free issue, click here.

1. Can't stop worrying about Britney

2. Hide-a-Bed too well hidden

3. Keep hitting speed bumps

4. Larry King won't stop snoring

5. Can't get those Nazi war crimes out of your head

6. That guard keeps shining his goddamn flashlight in your eyes

7. Person in next hostel bunk won't stop crying out in Afrikaans

8. Severed horse head is hogging the covers

9. Couldn't turn down that third helping of cocaine

10. Some woman keeps having sex with you

11. Mistakenly set white noise machine to "Panicked Cattle at Slaughterhouse"

12. Overcome by polar bear guilt

13. You'll sleep when you're dead, or in 20 minutes—whichever comes first

14. Breast and ass implants make it difficult to find a comfortable sleeping position

15. Determined to watch every last bit of cheetah-attack footage on YouTube

16. Still angry over the Sopranos finale

17. You smoke in bed—specifically, hickory bacon

18. People keep barging into your ATM vestibule

19. Next-door neighbor is hosting a live performance of Drumline

20. Discovered the Magic Fingers bed you've been enjoying has never actually been plugged in

21. Pajama ass-flap keeps flopping open adorably

22. You're the world's biggest fan of whatever piece of shit is on TV at 3 a.m.

23. Kitschy Virgin Mary night-light from Urban Outfitters suddenly seems in poor taste

24. Shouldn't have caught the Faces of Death marathon on cable

25. Tomorrow you will finally realize your dream: sex with Richard Belzer

05/22/08

Related: From the Magazine, Radar 100

Comments (2) | Print | E-mail | Recommend It (4) |

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This article is terrible. Family Circus is funnier than this crap.

Posted by: Brendon on June 7, 2008 1:14 AM

Brendon is a terrible person. Seriously, I would rather have my eyelids crusted over with AIDS crumbs than see his terrible name on my screen, or read his utterly pointless criticism. Brendon = awful.

Posted by: vanpatten on June 19, 2008 12:08 PM

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Dreams Deferred

100 reasons you can't sleep

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