It's Not Me, It's You

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NO. 37 At your high school reunion, you introduce him as "the reason I'm on Paxil"

26. She insists you wear a condom 24 hours a day.

27. Lifetime has optioned the movie rights.

28. You met six months ago at a masquerade ball and he still refuses to remove his mask.

29. He loaned you to another inmate for a carton of off-brand cigarettes.

30. Her parents still think you're the gardener.

31. She won't tell you why her screen name is TheGuzzler.

32. You role-play as "Guy With a Reason to Live" and "Girl Who Doesn't Cry After Sex."

33. Each year on your anniversary he gets another teardrop tattoo.

34. You caught him masturbating to Kramer vs. Kramer.

35. You fly into a violent rage if he interrupts Deal or No Deal.

36. You communicate in sign language; are not deaf.

37. At your high school reunion, you introduce him as "the reason I'm on Paxil."

38. Your respective Christmas stockings say Shrew and Let's end this charade, Doug.

39. After six months, you still only know him as 071734.

40. You've started wearing your wedding ring on your middle finger.

41. 2003: "I love your little flaws." 2008: "Control that sleep apnea, fatso."

42. She swims nude with the dolphins every chance she gets—the Miami Dolphins.

43. You separately live-blogged your honeymoon.

44. That line of duct tape down the center of your bed.

45. He brought his Game Boy into the delivery room.

46. He's on a first-name basis with the staff at Bangkok International Airport.

47. Dinner has become winging a Lunchables at your head.

48. She asked for your help writing her Nerve profile.

49. You deliberately puncture your tires two blocks from home just to have an excuse to smoke a cigarette and wait for a tow truck.

50. To get out of "date night," you hire a stranger to shoot you in the ass.

04/03/08

Related: Radar 100

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95. You've started reading How Stella Got Her Groove Back with a highlighter.

---------95a. You're married to the guy from How Stella Got Her Groove Back.

Posted by: twankers00 on April 4, 2008 8:12 PM

Hey now, #45 is a keeper. Smart man.

('He brought his Game Boy into the delivery room.')

Posted by: Foxxbott on April 5, 2008 10:04 PM

people at "intimatemingle. com" supply many videos, if you like you can check on it, and share your feeling with others.

Posted by: davidnina on April 10, 2008 11:25 PM

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It's Not Me, It's You

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