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7. Replace a Kidney
Have years of self-abuse ripped your insides to shreds? Fear not. In Shanghai, China, healthy kidneys "rescued" (stolen) from permanently silenced "wards of the state" (executed prisoners) are sold to the highest bidder (you). Organ, operation, and post-surgical stay can all be had for $75,000. Soon, you'll be back on your feet and ruining yourself all over again.

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(Photo: iStock Photo)

8. Score a Foreign Passport
Head to chaotic and teeming Nairobi, Kenya, where "official" diplomatic credentials can be bought for a mere $100. As the Somali Ministry of Foreign Affairs' new special ambassador to China, for example, you'll be able to breeze across borders worldwide, park anywhere you like, and tell cops to suck it when they ask what's in your briefcase (prescription smack from Switzerland!). Use the proceeds from your software pirating empire to bribe anyone who asks how a country without a functioning government has diplomats.