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BLAST FROM THE PAST
The supervolcano buried beneath Yellowstone National Park last erupted about 640,000 years ago. Frankly, we're overdue for another shake-up. "Next week, maybe," according to Greg Breining, author of Super Volcano: The Ticking Time Bomb Beneath Yellowstone National Park. Then again, he concedes, the eruption could be a thousand or even a million years away. But if the lava starts flowing, "All hell will break loose," Breining predicts. "A portion of the Earth far bigger than Mount Everest would be melted, vaporized, turned into ash, and vaulted high into the atmosphere." No biggie, right? Until hours later, when volcanic ash rains down on the southern prairie states, rendering America's wheat belt fallow for decades.

How to Survive: Since the jet stream blows east, set up shop somewhere west of Wyoming, where a giant ash cloud is less likely.

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MAYAN MAYHEM
When the Mayans created their calendar approximately 5,122 years ago, they set it to end after 13 394-year baktun cycles—on December 21, 2012. And when the calendar does end, say modern-day true believers, so too will the world, amid a smorgasbord of sunspots, volcanoes, earthquakes, and killer comets. But don't panic: Some New Age experts offer a more soothing spin. "The concept of apocalypse literally means 'uncovering' or 'revealing,'" says Daniel Pinchbeck, author of 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl. "My way of looking at 2012 is to think of it as a window of opportunity, as a catalyst for positive transformation in human consciousness." Hmm. Sounds lovely.

How to Survive: Don't fight it. New Age guru José Arguelles maintains that those who have accepted the 2012 apocalypse will be just fine. Those who haven't, however, will be carried away on "silver ships." Wait, isn't that what happened in Cocoon?