With global warming hogging the limelight, and Nostradamus predicting our impending demise, This excerpt from Radar Magazine's February issue explores the other apocalyptic scenarios threatening to do us in.

Worried about Doomsday? Click here to see Radar's roundup of handy Armageddon supplies
This article is from the February issue of Radar Magazine. For a risk-free issue, click here

From transgenic experiments destined to go awry to the imminent culmination of the Mayan calendar's 13th baktun cycle, we'll have to dodge a hell of a lot of bullets to make it to the next century. In a cold panic, Radar sifted through mountains of data, interviewed the world's top experts, and prayed to several long-forgotten deities in an attempt to assemble a list of the planet's most pressing doomsday scenarios and, more important, your best bets for staying alive.

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BARREL FEVER
True, black gold hasn't exactly been Earth's best friend. But it would be highly inconvenient to have it run out before we find a replacement. The theory of peak oil—that global oil production will eventually enter a steep, terminal decline—was introduced in 1956 by the late geophysicist M. King Hubbert. "Think Rwanda, Baghdad, post-Katrina New Orleans, on a global and permanent scale," says Matt Savinar, the man behind the website Life After the Oil Crash. He envisions a world of freaky inflation, beluga-level food prices, and wars between countries desperate for oil. In other words, time to start investing in buggy whips.

How to Survive: According to James Howard Kunstler, author of The Long Emergency, people residing in regions with plenty of railroads, moderate climates, and farmland—like Oregon and New England—will be in better shape than those who live in, say, L.A.

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HONEY HOLOCAUST
Remember the buzz about killer bees? So do we, fondly. Because it turns out bees are really important, but since late 2006 they've been disappearing for reasons nobody can quite explain. And it's not just honey supplies that will suffer if the bees bite it. You can also kiss your fruits and veggies good-bye. "You could have the perfect field, soil, and sun, and if the pollinator was not there you'd have a vine and no fruit," says Dr. Jeff Pettis, head USDA bee researcher. With honeybees pollinating more than a quarter of the world's food supply, that's a lot of empty vines (and stomachs). The financial impact of a bee-free season would be $75 billion. Perhaps Albert Einstein put it best: "If the bee disappears from the surface of the Earth, man will have no more than four years to live."

How to Survive: Become part of the solution—starter hives are selling for $215 on betterbee.com.

BLAST FROM THE PAST
The supervolcano buried beneath Yellowstone National Park last erupted about 640,000 years ago. Frankly, we're overdue for another shake-up. "Next week, maybe," according to Greg Breining, author of Super Volcano: The Ticking Time Bomb Beneath Yellowstone National Park. Then again, he concedes, the eruption could be a thousand or even a million years away. But if the lava starts flowing, "All hell will break loose," Breining predicts. "A portion of the Earth far bigger than Mount Everest would be melted, vaporized, turned into ash, and vaulted high into the atmosphere." No biggie, right? Until hours later, when volcanic ash rains down on the southern prairie states, rendering America's wheat belt fallow for decades.

How to Survive: Since the jet stream blows east, set up shop somewhere west of Wyoming, where a giant ash cloud is less likely.

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MAYAN MAYHEM
When the Mayans created their calendar approximately 5,122 years ago, they set it to end after 13 394-year baktun cycles—on December 21, 2012. And when the calendar does end, say modern-day true believers, so too will the world, amid a smorgasbord of sunspots, volcanoes, earthquakes, and killer comets. But don't panic: Some New Age experts offer a more soothing spin. "The concept of apocalypse literally means 'uncovering' or 'revealing,'" says Daniel Pinchbeck, author of 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl. "My way of looking at 2012 is to think of it as a window of opportunity, as a catalyst for positive transformation in human consciousness." Hmm. Sounds lovely.

How to Survive: Don't fight it. New Age guru José Arguelles maintains that those who have accepted the 2012 apocalypse will be just fine. Those who haven't, however, will be carried away on "silver ships." Wait, isn't that what happened in Cocoon?

BAD IDEA GENES
As scientists brazenly tinker with rodents' DNA—injecting the critters with human embryonic stem cells to see what happens—they might want to consider a possibility raised by Hank Greely, director of Stanford University's Center for Biomedical Ethics: "What happens if the stem cells turn into human sperm and egg and then the mice mate? Does anyone really want a human embryo growing inside a mouse?" (We certainly don't.) And yet, that's the sort of risk we're courting by carelessly toying with the building blocks of life. Even more dangerous are bioengineered crops, which may affect the environment in unexpected ways, overwhelming ecosystems like kudzu on steroids. Add to that the possibility of plant genes monkeying with our own chromosomes—no sweet corn is worth the risk of growing man-boobs—and you've got a Frankenberry with no place in a balanced breakfast.

How to Survive: Make like a hippie—eat organic.

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UNCOMMON COLDS
Generally speaking, officials at the World Health Organization and the Department of Health and Human Services try to avoid language that might spark a panic. So when experts from both agencies describe a devastating global pandemic as "overdue," it's probably time to pass the zinc supplements. Many scientists consider the most likely outbreak risk to be from H5N1, more commonly known as bird flu. It's not yet easily passed to humans, but 61 percent of those who've been affected have died. Virologists like Dr. Robert Webster, who heads a WHO bird flu research lab, estimate that if the virus mutates, the death toll could be in the billions. Maybe now's a good time to get that cough checked out?

How to Survive: As there's no vaccine readily available, your best bet is to keep your eyes peeled for outbreaks and, like Dr. Webster, stow away three months' worth of food and water.

HIGH AND DRY
You know how concession stands at big concerts charge $6 for a bottle of Evian? Get used to it. According to Fred Pearce, author of When the Rivers Run Dry: Water—The Defining Crisis of the 21st Century, not only will we be short on clean H2O in coming years, but we might just fight World War III over it. "The potential for conflict, for famine, for huge disruption of the food supply, is very great," says Pearce. "And it's going to play out on a global stage." In some places, it's already happening. Population booms in China and India have caused the countries to begin to tap out their water supplies, leaving them increasingly unable to grow their own crops. Sure, they can buy comestibles elsewhere. But when the nations exporting food run into shortages of their own, as is happening in Australia right now, the real trouble begins. Plus, we'll have to deal with the smug look on The Donald's face as we pony up for Trump Water.

How to Survive: Lakes dry up; rivers can be diverted. Buy yourself some land on top of a natural aquifer, and invest in a huge-ass fence.

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DNA DECAY
Despite a few dim-witted dust bowls like Iran and Kansas, most of the globe accepts Darwin's theory of natural selection. How else to explain the extinction of more than 99 percent of all life-forms that have ever appeared on earth? Well, there is one other theory making the rounds. The DNA of nearly every life-form contains telomeres—protective coverings on the ends of chromosomes that aid in replication and linking. Over the course of many cell generations, these telomeres become shorter, an effect that has been linked to aging, cancer, and diabetes. Dr. Reinhard Stindl's species clock hypothesis takes the degenerative results of telomere erosion a step further, as a countdown to extinction. "Why is nature not capable of copying the most vital molecule of life?" the good doctor asks. His answer: Because that's the way nature designed it. As a result, our eventual extinction is inevitable. That day could come soon: "I'm sure you've heard about the increase in cancer incidence," Stindl says. "I would say it might already be happening."

How to Survive: Unless you're a molecular biologist specializing in genetics, best let the scientists figure it out. (And if you are, what on earth are you doing learning about telomeres from us?)

POLE DANCING
Most of us believe that the North Pole is a firmly set axis on which the Earth spins. As it happens, however, a fringe group of geologists think it's gone a bit wobbly. That's no small thing: Even a tiny alteration in the angle at which the Earth rotates—say, from a passing meteor or large magma bloom—could affect everything from the location of the equator to the amount of sunlight both hemispheres receive, rendering the world vastly unlivable. Temperate regions will turn frosty, ice caps will melt, and someone will get filthy rich selling "Shift Happens" T-shirts. So what are the chances of such a shift? "My research indicates that all of the precursors of a pole shift have now been satisfied," insists William Hutton, author of Coming Earth Changes: Causes and Consequences of the Approaching Pole Shift.

How to Survive: "Even if the world moves its axis, temperate, rural areas like Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio, or tidewater North Carolina and Virginia, are the best places" to get by, says Hutton.

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GRAY GOO
Between ebola, asbestos fibers, and Dennis Kucinich, there are plenty of tiny irritations posing a danger to the American way of life. Allow us to add one more: self-replicating nanomachines. The so-called "gray goo" scenario, posited by nanotechnology pioneer K. Eric Drexler in his 1986 book, Engines of Creation, theorizes that if the molecular machines scientists are now building broke free of their controls, their exponential replication rate "could reduce the biosphere to dust in a matter of days." (Nobody knows what a teeming mass of nanobots might look like; "gray goo" is just a guess.) Don't head for your panic room just yet, however: Most scientists find this hypothesis unlikely. "It's unrealistic," says professor David Berube, author of Nano-Hype: The Truth Behind the Nanotechnology Buzz. "There are simply too many assumptions."

How to Survive: When the goo starts flying, your options are limited. But the International Space Station should be finished any day now.

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This article is from the February issue of Radar Magazine. For a risk-free issue, click here