Is the vice president on a highway to hell? Is George Bush less popular than Paris Hilton? With help from a D.C. polling firm, Radar's national survey asks the tough questions

America loves a poll. We're always game for a deep statistical probing by Gallup, CNN, Family Feud—any excuse to discuss our secret hopes and fears with a stranger. But has there been one in the past 10 years that told us anything of real value? Did we really need a randomly selected sample of citizens to tell us that Tom Tancredo is unlikable? Or that four out of five dentists recommend sugarless gum to their patients who chew gum? Nearly 200 years after the advent of political bean-counting, the scientific survey is in desperate need of a makeover. So we at Radar decided to commission a national poll of our own—one that asked the questions we really wanted answered, impertinent though they might be. By throwing out all preconceived notions about demographics, electioneering, and propriety, we managed to create a survey unlike any other. And the results speak for themselves.

GIRL POWER
Who's more macho?

When men face off for political office, it's difficult to suppress the (usually metaphorical) question of who's got the biggest dick; when there's a woman involved, the matter becomes a bit more complicated. But former British prime minister Margaret Thatcher proved that a female can win that contest. In our survey, Hillary managed the rare feat of uniting Democrats, Republicans, and Independents in one belief: She's got balls. Catholics seem awed by Obama's masculinity (35% choose him). Edwards's best demo is married men: 22% say he's muy macho.

Illustration by: John Kasch