Politics
Meet the Candidates
How well do you know your presidential hopefuls?
Radar helpful voter's guide compiles a few fun
facts they left off their resumes
PAGE 1 / 4
| RELIGION |
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John McCain
Identifies himself as Episcopalian but attends a Baptist mega-church with his family, where the pastor has judged him “not a biblically versed, mature Christian.” |
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Barack Obama
His pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, known for militant screeds against the “United States of White America,” has met with Qaddafi and Farrakhan. “When [Barack’s] enemies find out,” Wright has predicted, “his Jewish support will dry up quicker than a snowball in hell.” |
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Mitt Romney
As a Mormon, believes that Jesus will return to Jackson, Missouri. Says he “can’t imagine anything more awful than polygamy,” though Great-Great Granddad had 12 wives, and Great Grandpa fled to Mexico to establish a plural marriage colony. |
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John Edwards
“Jesus would be disappointed in our ignoring those around us who are suffering [as we] focus on our own selfish short-term needs,” says the man who charged a public university $55,000 last year to give a speech entitled “Poverty, the Great Moral Issue Facing America.” |
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Rudolph Giuliani
Decided against entering the priesthood as a young man because of the celibacy requirement. Married a cousin, then cheated on and divorced his second wife. The priest who married him says he will deny him Communion if he ever returns to his church. |
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Hillary Clinton
An agnostic in college, now professes a return to her Christian faith, but passed up a key enlightenment opportunity when she told a spiritual guru who facilitated her “conversations” with Eleanor Roosevelt and Gandhi that she didn’t want a séance with Jesus. |
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Fred Thompson
His Church of Christ religion was widely thought to be a cult after a high-profile murder focused attention on its strict conservatism. Prominent evangelist James Dobson has accused Thompson of straying from the flock: “I don’t think he’s a Christian.” |
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| BACKGROUND |
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John McCain
Remembered as "a tough, mean little fucker" in high school. Sent to juvenile court for telling two girls to "Stick it up your ass." Graduated fifth from the bottom of his class at Annapolis. As his flight instructor put it, he was "positively one of
the weakest students to pass our way." |
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Barack Obama
Drank, smoked pot, and used "a little blow" at his tony tropical prep school. Has suggested that this behavior was driven by a need to escape from the confusion of his racially mixed background, a story line rejected by a fellow mixed-race classmate
as "bullshit." |
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Mitt Romney
The son of a hugely successful auto exec and governor, he was an unfailingly optimistic presence at his elite schools. Notes a classmate: "There was nothing jaded about him, nothing skeptical, nothing ironic." Nothing memorable at all, except for his "excessive sweat." |
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John Edwards
Was a casual pot smoker in college, where he sported a "neat mustache." Insists he took a job with a hedge fund to learn more about the relationship between financial markets and poverty. When challenged on the claim, he replied, "How else would I have done it?" |
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Rudolph Giuliani
Started an opera club in high school. Recognized as "one of the pussies" in his college fraternity. As a young attorney, was "overweight, had a mustache, and was living in Queens." Advised wife of his intention to separate from her via TV press conference. Disliked by own children. |
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Hillary Clinton
Boasted in a youthful letter to a friend that she was writing atop a "stolen table, in a pair of dirty denim bell-bottoms, never-ironed work shirt, and beautiful purple felt hat with a purple polka-dotted scarf streaming off it." Later failed the bar exam. Was "amazingly nervous" in court. |
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Fred Thompson
"He was smart, but he was lazy," recalls a school chum, a sentiment confirmed by Thompson's yearbook quote: "The lazier a man is, the more he plans to do tomorrow." He was, however, able to muster the energy to impregnate his teenage girlfriend, sparking a small-town scandal. |
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| RELEVANT EXPERIENCE |
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John McCain
Exhibited "poor judgment," according to the Senate Ethics Committee, as a key player in the "Keating Five" Savings & Loan scandal, which cost taxpayers $2 billion. Also showed poor judgment by dating a stripper named "The Flame Thrower." |
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Barack Obama
Wrote part of career-making 2004 Democratic convention speech in the john. Former chain smoker. Didn't get around to paying $375 in decades-old parking tickets until this year. May or may not have attended a terrorist madrasah. |
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Mitt Romney
Claims to "love emergencies and catastrophes." While running for Senate, bragged about creating 10,000 jobs—while laying off workers at a factory he owned. Arrested twice; once for disorderly conduct. |
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John Edwards
Sold his $3.5 million house to a lobbyist for Saudi Arabia while investigating the country's role in 9/11 on the Senate Intelligence Committee. Exposed, he reneged on the deal but kept the $100,000 deposit. |
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Rudolph Giuliani
Insisted on locating New York City's emergency response center at one of the world's most obvious targets. Resigned from the Iraq Study Group after missing meetings to make paid speeches. |
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Hillary Clinton
Chaired secretive health-care task force that cost Democrats control of Congress. "Lucky" $1,000 investment in cattle futures netted her nearly $100,000. |
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Fred Thompson
Post-Senate, was paid $750,000 to help a British company avoid compensating asbestos victims. Lobbied U.S. government to support Haitian despot Jean-Bertrand Aristide after he was ousted. Was awesome in Days of Thunder. |
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| FAMILY VALUES |
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John McCain
Helped give his ex-wife—freshly mangled in a car accident—closure by marrying a young, beautiful heiress a few months after his divorce. Wife No. 2 was caught pilfering painkillers from the medical charity she established. |
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Barack Obama
Obama Sr., said to be a drunken polygamist, left Barack's mother, a white girl from Kansas named Stanley, when Obama was 2 years old. Wife Michelle complains that he's "snorey and stinky" in the morning. |
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Mitt Romney
Claims he wouldn't personally invest in a movie studio because he doesn't "want to profit from...R-rated movies." Had no such qualms taking money from a hotel chain that makes millions peddling in-room porn. |
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John Edwards
When asked about his position on gay rights, he reportedly replied, "I'm not comfortable around those people." Once channeled the thoughts of an unborn fetus in court. Brother Wesley has been arrested repeatedly for DUI. |
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Rudolph Giuliani
His father did time in Sing-Sing for robbing a milkman. In a possible homage to Pop, Giuliani admits that on one Father's Day, he canceled plans to play ball with his son to cheat on his wife with a staffer at City Hall. |
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Hillary Clinton
According to one biographer, keeps marriage together by advising spouse, "I need to be fucked more than twice a year." Brothers Hugh and Tony allegedly accepted money from convicts to advocate for pardons. |
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Fred Thompson
Son of a used car salesman. After divorcing his first wife, admitted, "I chased a lot of women...and the women who chased me usually caught me." Staunchly anti-abortion, except when lobbying for pro-choice groups. |
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This is an excerpt from the November issue of Radar Magazine.
For a risk-free issue, click here. |
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Is Hillary macho?
Is Cheney going
to hell?
See Results >> |
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Danger signs in
the candidates' signatures
More >> |
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Fun facts they left
off their resumes
More >> |
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How Daily Kos' Markos Moulitsas rules Washington
More >> |
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10/05/07 11:13 AM
Related:
Politics
Hillary comes off surprisingly well in all of the categories. It's like they had to really dig to find any dirt that would even get her on the chart with the other guys.
I was surprised that Mitt was the cleanest of them all. I think I'll vote for Mitt the one with one wife. Good to see that Mitt doesn't take after the family tree.
Poor Hillary I'll bet she wishes she could have more than one man :)
I find it fascinating that people who read these seem to find the ability to forgive their favorite of any sins while having their hatred of the opponents reinforced by the profiles. Personally, I think they all stink. I am unsure which one I will hold my nose and vote for.
Where's Dennis Kucinich? Ummm how about Mike Gravel? And lest We forget about Ron Paul? The above listed candidates bore me to tears. Or more to the point they will say whatever it takes to get into office, lie cheat and steal... I want some honesty and straight shooting. We're not going to get that from Giuliani or Clinton... Give us ALL the candidates next time please don't pick and choose.
Well maybe Ron Paul wasn't included because they can't find any dirt on him?
his record is squeaky clean, the worst thing i could find was some guy wrote a racist toned article that was somehow connected to Ron Paul but its not like he could have stopped him
gravel i think is pretty clean as well..
I agree wtih futuredead. I was hoping to see something about Kucinich in your fold out, but Radar, along with every other media outlet, is omitting the "underdog" candidates. And that's just frustrating.
I've met Hilary's 'guru', Jean Houston, on several occasions.
She's an incredibly bright woman, the adopted daughter of Margaret Meade, who conducts workshops aimed at integrating one's life, especially emotional intelligence, and tapping the power of mythology and storytelling in setting one's life-goals.
She commented on her sessions with the Clintons after the news reported 'seances' in the White House and her characterization was more like... "What would Eleanor Roosevelt say about this? " (After the group was suitably relaxed and focused).
I wouldn't look at this as a 'religious' thing but simply as a way to explore one's own values in addressing deep and complex issues. It's something I'd expect all our leaders to do and religion is certainly one path to that kind of introspection.
That said, the blurb above is a bit superficial and I'd love to see how the candidates compared vis a vis how they build their own perspectives.
Hillary's gone through a number of high-profile "gurus" over the years. Most of them, from Tikkun's Michael Lerner to the Children Defense Fund's Marian Wright Edelman---have been thrown aside for political expedience. The Clinton way, I guess.
Hillary comes off surprisingly well in all of the categories. It's like they had to really dig to find any dirt that would even get her on the chart with the other guys.