Radar 100
100 Reasons You're Still Single
Why is your love life going to the dogs? Possibly
because
you ...
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PUPPY LOVE Paula Abdul and friend
1. Call Grey's Anatomy simply "Grey's" |
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40. You have a disturbingly high thetan count
| 26. Flash devil horns in wedding photos 27. Eat with one arm guarding your plate 28. Refer to your PDA as a "Crackberry" 29. Have a dartboard in your kitchen 30. Own a calendar featuring babies dressed as cowboys 31. Call October "Rocktober" 32. Keep a dream journal 33. Own slot-machine gloves 34. Are the president of a fan club 35. Weave and distribute friendship bracelets 36. Have a "lucky" garter hanging from your rearview mirror 37. Prefer the "fist bump" when meeting strangers and always insist they "lock it in" 38. Refuse to remove your Bluetooth earpiece during sex 39. Take off work each year to celebrate Cinco de Mayo; are Irish 40. Have a disturbingly high thetan count 41. Display your framed degree from bartending school 42. Have been edited out of several Girls Gone Wild videos 43. Converse with angels 44. Refer to Target as "Tar-Jay" 45. Have ever said: "That's sooo Sagittarius" 46. Feel most comfortable in Tevas and jorts 47. Have a five o'clock shadow, on your ass 48. Wear a "No Spin Zone" windbreaker 49. Cry when you listen to Belle and Sebastian, then, still tearful, blog about it 50. Use an electronic device to smoke pot |
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67. You subscribe to any massive multiplayer online gaming experience
| 51. Call underwear "panties" 52. Have more than zero stuffed animals on your bed 53. Live by two sartorial rules: pleated, stonewashed 54. Display samurai swords in your office 55. Think the energy crisis can be solved with crystals 56. Have ever dressed up as a penis or tampon for Halloween 57. Own a 60-inch flat-screen plasma television but sleep on a broken futon 58. Have taken more than one cell phone picture of your genitals 59. Close all correspondence with "Prayerfully Yours" 60. Consider Maroon 5 sort of "your group" 61. TiVo'd the entire run of Criss Angel Mindfreak 62. Use the word "scrumptious" 63. Have a Tasmanian Devil "tramp stamp" 64. List "Dungeon Master" on your business card 65. Carry an All Things Considered tote bag 66. Wouldn't be the person you are today without Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie 67. Subscribe to any massive multiplayer online gaming experience 68. Take advantage of the eight-at-a-time Netflix option 69. Have a rhyming nickname 70. Sold your forehead to goldenpalace.com 71. Have a "LaRouche '08" bumper sticker 72. Have taken a course on improving your oral sex technique 73. Will do anything for "shits and giggles" 74. Collect throwing stars 75. Have a bedside stack of Sudoku books |
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95. You are learning to play the bagpipes
| 76. Can only make love to the Mighty Mighty Bosstones 77. Are infamous among your coworkers for your dead-on Baba Booey impression 78. Own all 24 volumes of Now That's What I Call Music! 79. Are O.J. Simpson 80. Have a screensaver of you posing with your Frisbee golf bros 81. Refuse to drink any beer that hasn't been "beechwood aged" 82. Have cellulite on your face 83. Refer to yourself as a "vagitarian" 84. Have a Web shrine devoted to a long- deceased pet 85. Consider riddles a great way to break the ice 86. Purchase meals solely for their tie-in products 87. Get visibly angry during Apple vs. PC debates 88. Are known among your girlfriends as "Heavy Flow" 89. Feel you've found the deeper meaning behind Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" 90. Own all the Matrix novelizations 91. Raise iguanas 92. Posted your profile on Sean Hannity's "Hannidate"; are black 93. Have a "Peeing Calvin" decal on your hatchback 94. Work at Radar 95. Are learning to play the bagpipes 96. Don't like Insane Clown Posse's music per se, but think their philosophy is sound 97. Phone in long-distance radio dedications 98. Posted a Craigslist "Missed Connections" ad to find the kid who groped you on the subway 99. Believe the mouth is self-cleaning 100. Have had something on your face since the late '90s |
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This article is from the September issue of Radar magazine. Click here to get a risk-free issue.
Related: Radar 100
Posted by: Tim Russert on September 14, 2007 1:46 AM
number 60 is so wrong!
maroon 5 are amazing! :O
Posted by: bliss on September 17, 2007 2:17 PM
Thanksssssss
Posted by: romell raouff on September 26, 2007 5:35 AM
I already discovered, patented, and trademarked no. 50 way back in July. See my profile at opalville.blogspot.com
But if I were to amend your list, I would add:
1a) You love body odor. Just not other people's.
1b) You love sex. Just not having it.
1c) You prefer insider trading to discussing really important gossip.
1d) You need approval (by appointment) from your parole/probation officer.
1e) too much face paint
1f) acting streetwise, when what you really are is all gay and shit
1g) sizing up the competition with a bunch of euphemisms and innuendos
1h) excessive and false remorse for Tupac
1i) inadvertently quoting any portion of the twelve steps
1j) Still using the sexy catchphrase "Friend of Mary"
1k) Still looking for a girl as hot as the little blond one in Poltergeist.
1l) Eau de Underwear.
1m) texting whilst dating
1n) using any of the following phrases: "my bad," "so sue me, motherfucker" or "I don't know who that is"
1o) dialing whilst texting
1p) Reminding yourself: What's so wrong with being single? Sylvia Plath did it!
1q) Would rather play Halo 3 than watch Death in Venice.
1r) Tennis Elbow too distracting
1s) Chronic Fatigue Syndrome from too much anyonymous sex
1t) Demanding several prenups drafted in the 1970's
1u) Ruling out anyone with or without headgear.
1v) Maintain that "sushi is for slaves!"
1w) require that your potential mate to have a GPS device surgically implanted.
1x) still living in the idealistic 80's
1y) refusal to accept smoking as a socially acceptable behaviour, except for infants and toddlers and workers in sweat-factories
1z) you're a MaxiMe: A very large Herve Villachez
Posted by: Opalville on September 28, 2007 12:48 AM
Best list ever