Mapping the origins of America's favorite insult

What do Tucker Carlson, Vanilla Ice, and that guy who just ordered grape-flavored vodka with sugar-free Red Bull have in common?

Let's see. Are they jerks? Maybe, but that doesn't cover the bow tie. Losers? Yes, but such a tepid term does a disservice to these guys' supreme, majestic lameness. Dickheads, boneheads, assholes? Yeah ... but. I know: You had the real answer back at "sugar-free." There is only one way to describe them. They are douchebags.

Douchebag: We said it about Mr. Knowlton in algebra, and now we're saying it again. A lot. (And with colorful lexical and taxonomical variation: fratdouche; eco-douche; douchetard; douchenozzle; even douchebaguette, for girls.)

Over the past several years, as you might have noticed if you have watched Family Guy, Saturday Night Live, The Bachelorette, or The Daily Show (e.g., "Robert Novak: Douchebag of Liberty," c. 2004), or have read any blog, ever—including one maintained by John Mayer, who famously defined the term, so to speak, in 2007—douchebag has enjoyed a renaissance perhaps more pervasive than any other retro-linguistic relic. ("Dink," anyone?) It has become as ubiquitous as, well, actual douchebags. So much so, in fact, that some claim it's already way jumped the shark: Esquire has called for a moratorium on the word; Gawker conducted a search for an apt replacement.

Both failed. Turns out that people—even the feminists!—just love them the 'chebag. So why douchebag? Why now? It's probably partly because today, anything old-school, retro, and ironic is cool, unless you're douchey about it. But that's not all there is to the douche story.

First, some history. "I think douchebag came back into use after the metrosexual mated with an orange, but I've definitely heard it used for years," says Jay Louis, founder of the blog Hot Chicks With Douchebags and author of the book of the same name.

Technically, no one can say for sure which genius foul-mouthed sailor, let's say, in which boot camp for which war coined a creative new term for his reviled commanding officer that, post-deployment, caught on and spread.