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Joe Simpson
It's getting harder and harder to think of Jessica Simpson as a "Christian" performer, and father Joe isn't helping. In a 2005 interview with GQ, Joe did his best creepy dad impression: "Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got double-Ds! You can't cover those suckers up!" A Baptist minister, Joe pimps the careers of his daughters, acting as both manager (music) and executive producer (TV) in a Svengali-like fashion that would make Joe Jackson proud. After Lindsay Lohan snubbed Jessica and Ashlee from her MTV Awards after-party in 2005, papa bear reportedly got on the horn with several major tabloids to plant stories about the dis. In August of that year he also supposedly brokered a $200K, two-year Faustian deal with OK! magazine that gave them exclusive access to Jessica. Capitalizing on Jessica's, uh, "assets" and Ashlee's marketability, and despite a profound lack of talent, Joe shows stage mom's everywhere how it's done.

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Debbie Mathers-Briggs
In Eminem's introduction to the world, he famously rapped, "I just found out my mom does more dope than I do!" Things didn't get any more Hallmark friendly as Slim Shady continued to publicly disparage his mother as a crazed, drug-addled drifter. She responded with a $10 million lawsuit, later settling for $25,000. Mathers-Briggs soon became the poster mom for trailer-trash life after subsequent less-than-flattering depictions in the video of "The Way I Am" and the movie 8 Mile. She struck back again last September by publishing My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem, a memoir intended to burnish her image (loving mother, loyal supporter), and compared her son to Elvis (charging that an indulgent diet of gourmet steaks is ruining his health) in a January 2008 Daily Mail piece.