(continued)

THE ENTIRE PROFESSION
"I think that the standard questions they ask you are embarrassing enough. Are you still with your same partner since your last visit? No? Are you with someone now? Oh? How many? So, how many partners have there been since I last saw you? And have you used protection?"
Lisa, 24, Jersey City

THE NEXT GENERATION
"I had an appointment recently and agreed to let a nursing student who was shadowing the nurse practitioner who sees me sit in on the exam. The NP was going through my sexual history and asked how many partners I'd had in the past six months.

Me: 'Four.'
NP: 'And how many have you had in the past two years?'
Me: 'Four.'
Nursing student: [Blinking furiously.] 'Wait. How does that happen?'"
Julie, 31, Boston

THE ETERNALLY HOPEFUL
"My gynecologist is a very nice man with a ponytail. One time I was there seeing him for nothing serious—I told him I had some discomfort and he gave me some medication. He said to take it for a week, and then told me that I should be able to have sexual activity again by next weekend. I said, 'I don't think I'll be having sexual activity again next weekend.' He said, 'I dunno, you might get lucky.'"
Jessica, 28, New York

THE OTHERWISE ENGAGED
"My friend recommended her gynecologist, but when I called they said she had an insanely long waiting list. But they said they could fit me right in with her partner, who I found out later had a reputation of being a mean, gruff guy. So I'm literally in the stirrups when his cell phone rings. It's his wife and he gets in a fight with her. It was clearly a fight that they have all the time. The nurses there were like, whatever. It was clear that they talked about him and they hated him. Also, it was the most painful examination I've ever had."
Courtney, 31, New York

THE EXPEDITION LEADER
"My gyno: 'Have you ever looked at your cervix? You never have? Come on, it's really neat! Hold this. [She hands me a mirror.] See? Isn't that interesting?'"
Jessica, 28, Brooklyn

"Mine once said, 'Here's a mirror—wanna have a look?'"
Rachel, 35, New York

WE'RE NOT EVEN SURE HOW TO DESCRIBE THIS ONE
"A friend of mine went to our college's health center to get a Pap smear. Her first Pap smear, as I recall. When she came back from her appointment, a few of us were milling about the dorm and, being obnoxious, asked her, 'How'd it go?'

"She said, 'Oh, it was fine. But the anal pap smear^* part was a little weird.'

"At this point all of us just stared at her in disbelief because a) we'd never heard of an 'anal pap smear,' and b) the nonchalant way she brought it up indicated it was presented to her as 'just another part' of the lady visit.

"She said after the traditional exam was done, the (male) doc just asked her to flip over so he could proceed with the 'anal pap.' Needless to say, we found this all hilarious. She found it vaguely disturbing. The word 'violated' may have been thrown around. She did not go back to that doctor and, to this day (to my knowledge), she has not received another 'anal pap smear.' But really, how is that even a worthwhile prank for someone?"
Pauline, 26, New York

^*They actually do exist.

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