Obsessions
Getting Poked By Uncle Tom
Confronting the awkward Facebook experience
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For those who no longer wish to socially network in the glittery tween paradise of MySpace, Facebook has rapidly become the de facto site of choice for the popular pastimes of anonymous stalking, arbitrary spying and connecting with people you haven't seen or talked to in years.
The good news is that with such a wide range of users, including the much-maligned growth of users from the Baby Boom generation, the awkward encounters we reveled in when MySpace first caught fire are thankfully still alive and well.
For example, when my 57-year-old uncle joined Facebook, it wasn't long until he poked me. After the initial icky feeling wore off, I explained that poking is not a preferred method of saying hello among Facebook users. If anything, a SuperPoke, in which you karate chop or throw something at someone, is preferable, but truthfully, pokes of all kinds should generally be avoided.
"Awkward Facebook Encounters" (AFEs) can range from the relatively harmless defriending of a coworker to the more serious "deranged ex-boyfriend decides to say hello" variety. We detail several such experiences below. We also met a self-proclaimed "asshole" who explains how he was able to make four girls remove him from their friend lists forever.
*Names have been change to protect the embarrassed.
AFE #1: The Unrequited Crush
Will Torres*, 28, New York City
According to Will, "The gays are always looking for love online," which is why he added the application "Are You Interested?"
In short, "Are You Interested?" lets users can click on people's photos to say they find them attractive and asks if the person is interested back. The recipient has the choice of clicking yes or no, and if the person says yes, the application helps move the conversation offline so the future lovebirds can connect in the real world.
Will has had the unfortunate experience of being asked three times if "he's interested" by a former Fire Island roommate with whom he barely spoke when they roomed together, and in whom he is "most definitely not interested."
However, his unrequited crush has not gotten the hint, because not only has he continued to ask Will for his response, but he's continually SuperPoked and SuperPinched him, and has "thrown stuff, even though I have never responded."
Says Will, "I'm not clicking yes, because I'm not interested, but I'm going to run into him eventually so I feel bad saying no. He's forever awaiting my click. When I see him, I expect it to be weird."
AFE #2: The Forgotten Hookup
Miriam Shaw*, 24, Boise, ID
Miriam was browsing a friend's Facebook page when she saw that a former hookup had posted on her friend's wall. It had been more than five years since she they had last undressed each other, so she felt comfortable requesting him as a friend.
He accepted, but then sent her a private message asking her to remind him how they knew each other. Instantly peeved that their hookups had apparently not been memorable, made worse by the fact that she looked the exact same since their nights of passion, she took the high road and listed mutual friends and places they used to hang out in an attempt to jog his faulty memory. His response, "Hmmmm ... I still seem to be struggling."
Pissed, Miriam kept her response simple: "We used to hook up." She never heard back.
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AFE #3: The Annoying Coworker
Kim Grey*, 28, New York City
The coworker has not yet noticed and Kim is not sure what will happen when she does. "I guess I could say it was an accident, but then she might request me again and I might be forced to accept it. I'll worry about it when it happens, but I hope it doesn't."
AFE #4: The Crazy Ex
Susan Bidwell*, 27, Hartford, CT
Two years later and with zero contact after a bad breakup, Susan was friend-requested by an ex-boyfriend on Facebook. Along with the friend request came an e-mail taking responsibility for all the wrongs he had done her, apologies for not treating her better, and so on. "It was a nice but odd message," says Susan, and it "concluded with his admission of being put on an 'overdose of antidepressants' and his desire to move to New York City."
Susan decided to take his message at face value and be amicable, and replied by thanking him for reaching out and wishing him well on his move to New York. Within 20 minutes, she had a reply, but "it was like another personality had taken over. He told me I was 'vile' and 'worthless' and said for me never to contact him again!"
Susan sent the message to a psychiatrist friend, and they jointly concluded, "He must have mixing his 'overdose of antidepressants' with a little weed or booze or paint thinner."
The Guy Who Makes It Awkward
James*, 26, New York City
James, a self-anointed "asshole," didn't even want to make up a fake last name for fear that any of the four women who have blocked him from Facebook (as well as Instant Messenger and MySpace) recognize him and seek their revenge for telling his stories to Radar. James says, "I'm pretty much the guy who makes for the awkward encounters," and explains how he has managed to alienate people in cyberspace on several occasions...
LeeAnn was a girl from college with whom James had a weird relationship—specifically, he thought they were dating and she did not. He found out they were definitely not dating when he heard through the grapevine that she hooking up with another guy.
James decided not to hold a grudge. After he graduated and left college, they kept in touch, and LeeAnn and her former hookup entered into a more permanent boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. When the boyfriend moved to Texas for a job at about the same time Hurricane Rita was passing through, James innocuously told Leeann, "I hope your boyfriend dies in the hurricane."
Surprisingly, LeeAnn did not take kindly to this comment, and a few weeks later, when Facebook listed LeeAnn as "No longer in a relationship," James reached out via IM to ask, "Did he die?"
Within minutes, he was blocked on IM and defriended on Facebook.
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Colleen dated James' friend John. At least she was dating John, until one night when James and a friend saw her at a bar making out with someone who was not John.
James took the sleight of his friend personally and proceeded to repeatedly call and harass Colleen—"Not to the point of being illegal," he says, but with "stupid, funny shit implying she was a whore." After several days of deleted wall posts, James found himself, once again, defriended.
Allison*
James' friend Chris was friendly with a girl named Allison. When Allison found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her, she promptly started sleeping with Chris and, soon after, they began dating.
With Allison's birthday on a Friday, Chris arranged on Wednesday to have flowers delivered. On late Thursday, he received an e-mail from Colleen ending their relationship.
Acting fast, James and Chris decided that Allison no longer deserved her flowers and began a campaign of online harassment similar to the ones James had embarked on before. The result? Being defriended on Facebook and the added insult of a failed attempt of intercepting the flowers in time for Allison's birthday.
Debbie*
James' final Facebook defriending came compliments of a "virgin nutcase" by the name of Debbie. Debbie had such a good time on their unculminated, all-night first date that she decided out loud she'd like James to be her first. He promptly ended morning cuddle time and kicked her out of bed.
The next day, James was flying home for his winter break, so he ignored all of Debbie's e-mails and phone calls asking him to meet her family when he got back to New York.
The night before he was to come back, James finally called Debbie to have "the talk, which consisted of me telling her that we'd be better as friends, that I was drunk the night we got together, and that I was sorry she liked me." Several hours later, acting on a hunch, James found himself, once again, defriended.
Related: Obsessions
