Radar catches up with Dr. Travis Stork, the former Bachelor: Paris beefcake turned love doctor, and learns the perils of being "That Girl"

Hey, ladies: Baffled at your inability to keep a man despite putting out weekend after weekend? Well, dreamy ER doctor and former Bachelor: Paris stud Travis Stork wants you to know that it isn't him—it's you. In his new book, Don't Be That Girl: A Guide to Finding the Confident, Rational Girl Within, Dr. Stork warns against turning into an undesirable harpy like "Bitter Girl," "Insecure Girl," "Desperate Girl," or, perhaps worst of all, "Drama Girl."

How do you know if you're one of these dateless wonders? If you "often find yourself thinking about what you'll do on future dates during your first few outings" with a man, then you might be an "Agenda Girl" whose only mission in life is to get married. If you "think that your worst flaws and drawbacks somehow contribute to your unique, individual charm," not only are you totally wrong, but you might also be a "Drama Girl." And if you think you need the printed assistance of a failed reality-show fiancée to smooth out your quirky rougher edges in order to find love, than you might be a big sucker.

After giving an abbreviated talk at a Midtown Manhattan bookstore last week, Dr. Stork opened the floor for questions from the 15 mostly middle-age women who had come to see him. (He is still single, after all.) Later, the good doctor spoke with Radar about his freshly inked prescription for shaking the "That Girl" virus.

RADAR: Did you form the That Girl stereotypes based on your experience on The Bachelor?
Travis Stork: No. The Bachelor was six weeks of my life, but I'm 35 years old, so my experiences are formed by a lot more than that.

However, after that experience, it became more obvious to me if a woman was engaging in what I call in the book "self-defeating behaviors." Before, when I was, say, 22, if a woman was being superdramatic and had the "Drama Queen Girl" title, I might have thought, wow, that's really cool, she's got it going on. But the older you get, you see the behavior for what it is: attention-getting. I'm at a point in my life where I'd much rather be with a woman who's self-assured and truly confident than the drama queen who constantly has to be the center of attention. Over time, if you have all of these experiences in life, through your female friends, through your girlfriends, you can see the behavior for what it is.
The challenge is to say, "It's okay that I've been insecure, that I've been bitter, that I've felt desperate." I'm the guy trying to tell women that it's okay

Has learning to spot these stereotypes improved your dating life?
I don't think it's a question of improving or not improving my dating life. When I wrote this book, it was driven more by things that I've observed, things that my guy friends have observed, and some things that just scare us away. If a woman does have an agenda, or she's extremely bitter with a negative attitude, or she's always dramatic and has to be the center of attention, then the fact is that we're not going to stick around.

If a woman takes the advice in your book and still can't find a suitable man, do you recommend that she join a Bachelor-like harem?
It's not about joining a harem. That makes it sound so, you know ... demeaning. Dating is an adventure. You do whatever you want to do and get out there and meet as many people as you can. You never know how you're going to meet the person you're going to spend your life with. Some people meet them online, some people meet them at a coffee shop, some people meet them at a bar, and some people meet them at a bookstore. Some people have met them on The Bachelor. [Ed. Well, really on Trista and Ryan.] I don't have those answers, I'm still looking.

I spend the great majority of my nights and weekends in the ER. When I went on The Bachelor, I was working 120-plus hours a week in the hospital. It made me realize at that point that I had become "Working Guy." I tried to justify not going on The Bachelor because I was "Working Guy." That would have been a bad choice. I think that women, just like men, need to put themselves out there. Since I was the Bachelor I probably haven't put myself out there as much. I live in the mountains of Colorado outside a town of 2,500 people. But you never know when you're going to stumble onto The One, and I think when you're least expecting it, that's when it's going to happen.

Don't you think the only way to have successful relationships is to be really, really hot?
I think there is a lot of evidence out there that really good-looking people may be the most unhappy of all, so I disagree with that completely. Happiness is all about finding the right partner, and all it takes is one other person. I don't see how being hot has anything to do with it.

Is it at all offensive to put women into these stereotypes?

I don't think it's offensive at all. The whole point of the book is that the stereotypes aren't what's important. I think if you read this book to the very end you'll see exactly what I'm trying to do. I'm not a judgmental person. One of the challenges when you write a book like this is that there are going to be people who say, "Who does this guy think he is to judge women and stereotype them?" This book has nothing to do with that at all. I'm going to read something to you, from page 180: "If you are struggling in life or in love, just remember you're not alone. We've all struggled. If you've identified with one or more of the women that I outline in this book, don't beat yourself up. Heck, I'm a man and I've identified with each of those traits at different points in my life, it's only natural. You wouldn't be human if you couldn't relate to any of the girls in the previous chapters."

We've all done these things. The challenge is to say, "You know what, it's okay—it's okay that I've been insecure, it's okay that I've been bitter, it's okay that I've felt desperate, it's okay that I've been lost." I'm the guy trying to tell women that it's okay, because I've been all of those things, every single one of them.

I've seen so many women struggling in their relationships because they think there's something wrong with them if they feel desperate. This book isn't stereotyping people, it's saying it's okay that you feel that way, because it makes you human. Don't beat yourself up about it. Anyone who judges me for this book without reading it isn't going to get the message, which is, "Hey, we've all been there." I'm not judging women, because I'm "That Guy." The only way that I've gotten to this point in my life is because I've gone through all of the trials and tribulations. I've been insecure, I've been lonely, I've been all of those things. I don't think women will feel that I'm stereotyping them at all. I think women will look at it and wonder what I'm trying to do, but if they read the book they'll see that it's probably the exact opposite of stereotyping.

You don't think you're using any scare tactics or trying to induce paranoia?
Not at all. It's the exact opposite.

If a girl wants to be treated with respect and with dignity, and she's not, then I guarantee you she's doing something to prevent herself from being treated that way

You write, "It may not be him, it may be you. He may not be a jerk, and he's not necessarily afraid of commitment. He may only be afraid of commitment with you. Why? Because what he's fearful of—and I have to say, often rightly so—is that you might be that girl."
Right. If you want someone to make a change, you have to sometimes make them take that leap of faith. Yeah, there are points in the book where I make fun of the stereotypes, but the point is that we take ourselves so doggone seriously sometimes in relationships that we lose sight of the very thing we're looking for. I don't think "scare tactics" is the right word, but being willing to admit that there may be something that you're doing that's preventing you from finding what you want and what you deserve. If I just wrote a book that never made a woman look in the mirror, then that's a worthless book and a worthless endeavor.

I haven't spent all these years in the ER because I wanted to write a book that demeans women; that's the last thing that I'd ever do. Even my very own mom, who's 66, read the book and told me there were a lot of things she recognized in herself that she had gone through in her life. This is all about being comfortable with who you are, and part of that is being willing to admit that there may be times where we do fit these certain personality traits. All I'm saying in this book is that it's okay. If you identify with the "Agenda Girl," you know what? Don't beat yourself up about it. Am I going to poke a little fun? Yeah. Do I admit in the book that I'm poking fun? Absolutely. You can't make a change until you're willing to admit that you're having a problem getting what you want.

My entire life I've treated women right. I've learned from my parents how to treat a woman. I'm a Midwestern boy. My dad still holds my mom's hand and opens doors for her, and I think a woman should be treated that way. If a woman doesn't want to be treated that way, that's fine, it's her prerogative. But if she wants to be treated that way—with respect and with dignity—and she's not, then I guarantee you there's something that she's doing to prevent herself from being treated that way. As a guy, am I just supposed to say, "That's fine, be unhappy, that's cool"? What I try to say is, "If you're not finding the happiness and fulfillment in relationships that you want, why is that?" There's a book, He's Just Not That Into You. It was a really popular book, but it didn't really answer why he's just not that into you.

And your book does?
Yeah. It tries, in a very nonjudgmental way. It's really hard to take criticism to your face; that's why I chose the format of writing a book. That's one of the beauties of being able to write a book. I'm not judging anyone. I'm just talking about experiences and things I've observed from girlfriends or stories from my guy friends. I think there are times when women would just really love to hear a guy's opinion on things and, in a nonjudgmental way, hear what a guy is thinking. This book is obviously never going to be exhaustive, but I've tried to talk about the most common examples. I'm not judging. I'm trying to say, "Look, don't be 'That Girl.'"