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The Tao of Taylor Hicks

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LADY IN THE WATER Hicks' beach playmate from another angle (Photo: Courtesy of MFOYA.com)

Hicks' fans are notoriously invested in how their man conducts himself offstage. A story in the New York Times notes that arguments have erupted on message boards over whether or not it's acceptable for him to swear. Conspiracy Theorists allege that the singer's PR team, so freaked out by their wholesome bachelor's booze- and sex-fueled romp, drafted Lyders to play the role of steady girlfriendtheorists allege that the singer's PR team so freaked out when their wholesome, People-approved bachelor was busted on a booze- and sex-fueled romp in the tropics with some floozy that they drafted the respectable, career-oriented Lyders to play the role of steady girlfriend. His rep would remain intact, she'd benefit from the publicity, and no one would be the wiser.

To create the illusion, it is argued, Hicks' camp started offering up Mr. Soul Patrol and Lyders for media appearances, forcing them to attend events together, and even tipping off paparazzi for photo ops. They also—and here's where it gets good—supposedly worked with an insider at the Splash photo agency to insert pics of Lyders into the original batch of Hicks beach photos, and staged photo shoots to make Lyders' legs look more like the taller Hawaii skank.

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A LADY IN THE STREET Is this the same blonde woman from the beach photos? (Photo: Courtesy of MFOYA.com)

Of course, there are myriad logistical issues with the alleged switcheroo. How did Hicks' people find a doppelganger for the beach girl so quickly? How did they convince her to participate in such an elaborate scheme? Was she paid? Does Hicks even have enough money to pay someone for something like this? And where is the beach girl now?

There's also the fact that, to the naked eye, Lyders and the mystery women are essentially indistinguishable. An informal survey of employees in the Radar office yielded not a single person who could tell the difference between the two.

Which is why we decided to seek out professional help and put an end to the debate once and for all. Lois Gibson of the Houston Police Department is one of only 19 full-time police sketch artists in the country. Her facial sketches and analytical work have helped law enforcement agents bring in more than 1,062 criminals, a number that has earned her a place in the Guinness Book of World Records as "The World's Most Successful Forensic Artist." We showed her close-ups of the beach girl and Lyders, and asked if she thought they were one and the same. Her unbiased professional opinion? Beach girl and Lyders are without a doubt different people. (Note: Before we talked to Gibson, we thought the believers in the switch were, quite simply, insane. Who would go through all the trouble for Taylor Hicks? It's Taylor Hicks, for God's sake! Now, well, we don't quite know what to think.)

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