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GAWKING POINTS Tables at Michael's

Well, have other people ever misbehaved publicly when they aren't put where they are happy?
For the most part, we're really scandal-free. People bitch and moan now and then, but Michael Wolff was exceptional.

Who [besides Michael Wolff] are you ever the most depressed to see come into your restaurant? Has anybody come in that you just can't stand?
Generally, I'm not unhappy to see anyone here. We've learned a lot from our media clientele. We self-edit.

Liz Smith: Tell me, Michael, what goes into a $35 hamburger?

Michael McCarty: Hmmm... Really good meat? The price of real estate in Midtown Manhattan?Then I guess you wouldn't want to share with us who the world's worst tipper is?
[Laughs.] Um, I'll pass.

Do you confront people who leave lousy tips?
Well, if it's really egregious, the managers talk to them. They'll see if there was a problem or a mistake. It's the same thing they do if someone doesn't show up at the restaurant after making a reservation. We'll call and we say, "Did we make a mistake here?"

Do you have any problems with waiters approaching the famous and powerful trying to get jobs or sell their memoirs?
Once in a while, I suppose. When we first opened up, we had a lot of waiters who were discovered. Loreal, our maitre d', is a wonderful singer. She played Carnegie Hall and sold the whole place out. Steve, our manager, lost his parrot and decided to write a children's book about the adventure. He was offered book deals by a dozen major agents. But ultimately we're a restaurant, you know? Most of our waiters have been here for a long time, and my people are professionals.

Is there any difference between the people that come in New York and the people in Los Angeles?
More or less, we attract the same groups of people on both coasts.

But are the New Yorkers better dressed?
Maybe when we first opened. But nowadays the dress code is New York City is pretty relaxed. People in L.A. were much more casual for years, but ironically they're dressing up more than they used to, especially at night, so maybe they look better than New Yorkers at this point.

You don't draw a media crowd though in L.A.
Well, you know, it's funny. Just five days ago, Cathie Black took over our garden for 50 people in Santa Monica. It's not media types in L.A. who come; it's media types from New York. Helen Gurley Brown threw a party twice a year in our garden in Santa Monica. When we first opened up over the years Helen O'Hagan did the first fashion big bash here with Karl Lagerfeld. It's a lot of the same people. But it doesn't have the intensity. For example, we could never do breakfast at Santa Monica, but people in New York are working night and day.

Tell me, Michael, what goes into a $35 hamburger?
Hmmm! Really good meat! [Laughs.] The price of real estate in Midtown Manhattan? Let's see, real pickles?

Michael, a small bone to pick. I don't object to your high prices, I don't object to the fact that people are fighting to get my table, but I really do think you ought to vary the menu more, because people come there too often, and the menu stays too much the same. Why don't you just get rid of the things people never order?
See? That's what rubs me the wrong way about the interpretation of our menu. Everyone talks about the damn Cobb salad. If you read the papers, you'd think Cobb salad is all we serve. But the truth is we change our menu four times a year.

Well, that's not often enough for me.
We have tons of specials on a seasonal basis! Like the Nantucket Bay scallops now, the stone crabs, when it's white truffle or black truffle season. But then you have people like Henry [Schleiff, who has eaten here for years]. He has never ordered anything else. But then he complains that he never gets the menu!

That's the way I am. I order the roast chicken and then I beg them not to give me white meat.
Right.

I wish you all would order a few drumsticks and thighs.
Well, the next time you come, they should. They've got great ones there on those chickens. I'll make sure.

Think about this for a second. Was your most glorious moment the moment when the Post photographer snapped me, [former New York and Rolling Stone publisher] Joe Armstrong, and Bill Clinton?
That was a great day. It was a wonderful moment. And I think it sort of capped what we're all about.

DINERS' CLUB Natasha Richardson and Alec Baldwin count as new blood at Michael's

Yeah, it was really great, and I was so glad I was there. To be a part of something funny like that, and also Clinton saying as the waiters passed with platters of French fries, "We'd love some of those," because we already had a wonderful lunch! There were wonderful people there. Billy Crystal and Robin Williams, and Diane Sawyer and [former Texas governor] Ann Richards, we were just having a ball.
Well, Billy [Crystal] and Janice [his wife] were having dinner the other night I was there, and I opened up the book—they're friends of mine from California, out here in Malibu—I open up the book and showed them the picture of your lunch and it was such a riot.

Now, here's my last question. If you had your dream table, if you could have four people coming in for lunch, it would be the hottest thing you've ever—I mean it wouldn't necessarily mean that they would be hot—but they would be your ideal table. Can you think of who they might be? And if you want to name more than four people, please do.
Oh my god, what a tough one ...

Or wouldn't it be nicer to have our table and those great guests I just mentioned back again? [Laughs.]
Yes!

But poor Ann Richards just left us.
Oh my God, that was such a shame. But you know that I've seen her daughter quite often. She's great. God, that's a hard one.

Well, do you have a dream star that you would like to lure to the restaurant?
God, well, it's like as my doctor says, "You know too many people."

You should have actually said, "Liz, it would be you and anyone you chose." But I can't tell you how to answer these questions.
[Laughs.] Well, that's what I probably would say.

The other day I was asked who I would sleep with if I had my pick. I said, "Jesus would be really interesting."
That would be hot. Kind of. [Laughs.]

The shock! I was hoping you'd give me some epic answer like that. You know?
Winston Churchill?

All right, well, your dreams are a disappointment to me.
They are, I know.

If you think on this and come up with a good answer, call me tomorrow and tell me. [Laughs.] And reserve table one for me tomorrow.