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PEYOTE UGLY Bring plenty of water, bug spray and a shotgun

ROUGH IT IN THE DESERT
Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument, Arizona

Time for the great outdoors! Head to Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument Park, the Fallujah of our great national park system. Flanked by 30 miles of Mexican border, Organ Pipe consistently ranks as the most dangerous park in the country. In addition to natural wonders like the rare Organ Pipe Cactus, visitors can look forward to "carjackings, robberies, sexual assaults, [and] confrontations with drug runners," according to the Interior Department 's assistant inspector general.

Pitch your tent near the $700,000 per-mile immigrant barrier. The rangers wear camouflage, carry assault rifles, and are usually on edge, so instruct your kids to speak English at all times. Fun games for the little ones include "report the illegal immigrant" and "chase the scared Mexican."

The Pipe also boasts other recreational assets: In 2002, over 13,000 pounds of illegally grown pot were seized in a remote region of the park. If you happen upon some, we do not recommend seizing it yourself. There are many day laborers around who would be happy to take the risk for you: Border agents have reported "bleached, skeletal human remains" on the roadside. Don't be a hero.