Pack your cyanide pills! This Memorial Day, Radar tours the world's worst vacation destinations

NUCLEAR SUMMER Don't forget your SPF 15 and a hazmat suit

Whether it's screaming brats at the pool, impossibly long lines, or stolen luggage, summer vacations rarely deliver the stress-free escape you've been hoping for. But stop your bitching. It could be much worse. From Salmonella smeared BBQ pits to amusement park rides that sever limbs (as one did last June to a 13-year-old girl at Six Flags), the season is full of perils most of us are lucky enough to avoid. Then again, the most rewarding experiences always come with a little risk. If you're tired of the same old sanitary, injury-free, cookie-cutter holiday routine, we recommend the following itinerary from hell. Strap yourself in. It's going to be a terrible trip.

SUMMER FLING It's a bird! It's a plane! Actually, it's an ejected tourist

HOP ON THE GRAVITRON
Funtown Pier, Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Why not start with a little nostalgia? Head to Jersey for a ride on the Gravitron, where speed, centrifugal force, and extremely loud Kris Kross jams work in concert to provide a terrorizing experience for the whole family.

Your ride will be that much more harrowing knowing that numerous safety incidents have threatened to silence the Gravitron's sweet whir. In 2002, a ride operator let the spinning scream chamber go for nearly 20 minutes longer than the recommended 80 seconds, giving Gravitron guests 15 times their ticket value. Six of them were rushed to the hospital. But that's nothing compared to what happened in 2004 at the Miami-Dade County Fair. When the Gravitron's walls gave way, three people were ejected, or "hurled off the ride," slamming into four bystanders. One of them, a 16-year-old girl, was thrown 30 feet, resulting in "severe brain damage." Other passersby were hit with flying debris, as actual "gravity" brought the Gravitron's parts down. Hard.

Don't worry! The Gravitron is still going strong at theme parks and carnivals across the country, where it has been rechristened the "Starship 2000."

Don't want to stray too far from home? A 1989 "trailer mounted" Gravitron is available for the low price of $110,000. Your backyard called, it sounded very excited.

Photo: www.gooutjersey.com